Thursday, December 2, 2010

Not so lovely to see you

I ran into an old School friend the other day who was heavily pregnant with her first child and She looked fantastic. I resisted the urge to collapse in heap right there in Woolworth's screeching "whhhyyy? oh the unjust injustice of it all!" and I asked her how she was coping in the early summer heat, and then I wanted to poke her a little bit in the eye.

She went on to reply " Oh I just love it----hair flick----- All of the gorgeous summer dresses keep me cool and I don't feel so mumsy----sympathetic smile in my general direction-----", 

I thought to myself three things in this order...

 1. I remember exactly why I haven't spoken with you since high school, I haven't missed much because you are still up yourself,

2. I thought Woolworth's was a jeans and Tshirt kind of affair, very embarrassing for me, I didn't realise there was a dress code, a little strange though they let me in in my slippers last week,

and 3. How come my hair turned to a hot, greasy frizz when was pregnant? If I had have flicked my hair in anybodies general direction when I was pregnant I would have spritz them.

She continued on with with " I'm made to bear children, I had heard all of these stories about fluid retention and stretchmarks, ---Over dramatic shocked expression--- But it's just not true for me, Ive never felt better"

 Now, I have a little bit of a brain snap at this point and I thought...

You have huge bulbous eyeballs and that face isn't helping, if I didn't want to poke you in the eye before, I certainly do now, In fact keep that ridiculous look on your face and I won't miss...........Then..
quick say something, before you poke her in the eye

Princess Red Head was starting to whinge in her pram because we had stopped right in front of the ice cream freezer.

Old boggle made some smart remark about "there being enough sugar in her milkshake she was drinking without her needing ice cream., and she was going to be a strictly no sugar mum,"
( to be fair it wasn't that bitchy, but it was her general vibe, and whatever, she is a bitch so who cares)

I am trying to get away at this point because
 (A) I can't hear her over Princess R.H, who is now near exploding over her need for an ice cream.
 and (B) I just don't have time for this shit.

Boggle is about to pull out disapproving look, her face was just having a bit of trouble switching from patronising and the most wonderful thing happened....

Princess R.H threw herself back against the pram in pure frustration for being so close to ice cream whilst being tethered, and launched her sugar filled milkshake off the tray and onto the floor splashing boggle with it's glorious karmic froth.


I told her something about being sorry, yanked my face into patronising and said " Well you have all this to look forward to!", and I left and bought Princess R.H and I an ice cream.

So it is official I am a madwoman. A very satisfied madwoman.



bigwords is... said...

I looked like shit when I was pregnant! I was never a hair flipping, glowing type. Lots of stretch marks, heartburn, the works! Oh well, I hope she could get the milkshake out of her gorgeous flowing dress!!

MMBB said...

MaN I totally looked like shit when I was pregnant, there was no 'Glow' nothing, I was big fat sweaty and covered in so many stretchmarks it looked like I'd been attacked by a Leopard. AND I had to buy all my Maternity clothes second hand off ebay because none of our 'country' stores sold Maternity wear. Not until I was pregnant with #3 and even then, I was that fricking huge even Maternity wear was too small !!

*poke* *poke* *poke*

2 friends recently had babies and both had no stretchmarks and shrunk back to even smaller than they were originally!! W.T.F.

MMBB said...

Oh sorry I forgot to add, you left out an 'a' in your URL on the FYBF But I still found you anyway, because I like to stalk.

Mummy's Brain said...

I am so crap at this url crap... will try to fix it, Thanks for stalking xx

Jacki said...

Grrr! I've had my fair share of run-ins with people like this. I just smile and think to myself, 'just wait until THEY have a toddler!!'

Tenille said...

Awesome story. I'm so glad that the milkshake was spilt, otherwise I would have had to track your old school friend down and punch her the other eye.

Lori @ RRSAHM said...

Oh my I cannot stop laughing because I know exactly who you are talking about!! I wish you had have poked her in her freaking boggly eye. Bitch. Just you wait. In ten years time she'll be fat and grey and ugly and her kids will be feral.

Boggly bitch.

Mrs Woog said...

Oh fuck her.
PS you are on my blogroll now. I like what I think you have up your sleeve.
Love Mrs Woog

petajo said...

That was laugh out loud funny.. still can't bring myself to type LOL.

Hope you don't mind me putting a link on, but I had a kind of similar Woolworths experience, luckily I didn't have to talk to the woman!

Mummy's Brain said...

Not at all, Link away xx

EmmaK said...

karmic froth I love Princes RH!
I would have poked Boggle's eyes out with a couple of sharp straws

Hear Mum Roar said...

Haha, yes she does have all this to look forward to!

Brenda said...

SO funny, Emma!

Thanks for participating in the carnival.xx

Christie said...

I had a competition with some Mum's the other day comparing who had the worst stretchmarks. I won, so ner, Boggle eyes, you wont be winning any comps in my crowd.