Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Giant Crap Sandwich- Ranga's Rock

        Ranga's Rock

Kids can be cruel...this is just a fact of life.
 I certainly was sometimes. I remember I wouldn't let the new girl sit next to me on the bus on her first day.... admittedly, I felt terrible and went to visit her to apologise with Mars Bars...."Welcome!...I am nice now........ want to be friends with the stuck up, smart arse bitch that refused you a seat, with an possible mood disorder of some description????" ..she did,.... and we still are
       Kids are cruel.

Some of those kids grow up to be Jerks, this is also a fact of life.  These tools are the subjects of Today's Giant Crap sandwich-

I live in a relatively small town, most people think they know most people,... the construction of a local Macdonalds is a hot topic on facebook of late......yeah.......... so needless to say, I don't get out and socialise outside of my great old friends very often.
The rumour mill is so operational in our town, that my great old friends and I start rumours about ourselves, and laugh when they eventually get back to us.

According to gossip town records, I have been a lesbian, live in a three way relationship with my bestie, (whom was married to my husbands brother)... and my husband, I spent some time in a mental facility, left my husband..... took off with my best boy friend, fell pregnant with his baby, returned to my husband, had said baby and we all live together like some demon driven sex craved Warped  Brady Bunch.
Get all that?

Hilarious.

This rumour seemed to be confirmed and spread when my daughter arrived in all her red ringlet glory... you see....

My husband and I are both blonde's, our eldest is a brunette, our middle child is blonde and our youngest happens to be...*gasp*... a
 Ranga.
Can you see how this is concrete proof of this rumour?

This would perhaps be a little upsetting.... had we not started most of this rumour ourselves, for our own entertainment.... and you know.... to be fair..... the situation was probably compounded by the fact that my best male friend would greet my husband and I in public situations by rubbing my belly and and shouting... "how is my baby cooking?" before throwing his arms around my husband in an affectionate embrace and spending the remainder of the night with his hand on my hubby's knee whenever one of these jerks happened to walk past......

This is not the pickle in the giant crap sandwich, that is my day....
This is purely for my own amusement..... plus I have added a new one in there because I want to read about something other than the comings and goings of Ronald MacDonald on face book.

Lets face it... if its on face book... it must be true right??

Today's Giant Crap Sandwich and it's accompanying UP YOURS.... is in regard to the thoughtless dicks that find it necessary to bring up the perils of being a redhead every time you stop me to tell me how much you love my blog.....

An example of this happened just this morning...
I returned from my daily pick up of bread, milk and crappy sundries like nappies and TP..and I don't know... crack..(theres a new one), and I became accidentally engaged in the mind bogglingly dull events of the life of  a woman I barely know in the line...

I was doing my best to wipe the I couldn't give a rats arse look off my face and did what all mothers do in the supermarket when interrupted mid mundane task..... I focused all of my attention on my child, happily munching out of the bag of grapes I had not yet weighed... nor paid for, hoping the woman would ping ding.... This is a common right and joy of motherhood.

So anyway the Jerky woman in a last ditch attempt to continue her ear assault, smiled down at Princess Red Head and said... "oh, what unusual hair, ... oh, poor little bugger!"

BITCH

Emmas brain wandered to thoughts of... "oh... unusuall,.. that must have taken her a while..... I can think of at least nineteen other words I could use as a passive aggressive insult, here look it up in a FUnk and Wagnals.... WHACK."

I replied- minus the attempt to keep the I couldn't give a rats A  look off of my face, What do you mean poor little bugger?
She did what all smarmy Jerks do in this situation.. she back pedaled with...." Oh I just mean that you know... she may get teased... all the redheaded kids got teased when I was a kid..".

I replied- "Oh... but when you were a kid it was a LOOONG time ago... I mean I can only hazard a guess at your age because its a little hard to gauge with all the advanced sun damage you have going on there..so I really couldn't give a fuck what you think, When I was a kid, everybody got teased... Kids are cruel..... well I'd better get going, I am sure to be keeping you from your masturbating over twilight or whatever the hell it is you bitches do....... "

I left with my bread and crack, and a grin on my face because I was secretly proud of being able to think of such a witty comeback at such short notice also for finding the need to say masturbate at Coles.

So for you, Jerky Lady in the Line, and the owner of any of the following pearlers I have had the privilege of hearing-

" better keep her out of the sun love... she will get all awful and freckly"
" awww, there's a little bit of blonde in it... hopefully it will grow out by the time she starts school"
My Favorite, The bitchy undertoned....
Ohhh where does the red hair come from?... your husband is blonde right?....

Here's a new one for you.........

Who's your Daddy?



UP YOURS JERK OFF's

Up yours with fries and a coke.

Emmaxx



Feel free to start your own rumour in the comments section.... xx



Click for the hilarious Red And Nearly Ginger Association

8 comments:

MrsKellB said...

Love it and Ranga's rock!

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

As a mother of two with red hair (although my 7yo refers to his as 'orange' - and it is quite orange at that), I'm quick to defend my kids. Although, to be fair, we've only ever had compliments up until late last yr when the 7yo came home to tell me he'd been teased for his hair. I assured him that the person who teased him was obviously jealous because they probably had boring old run of the mill hair and the 7yo's hair was UNIQUE and DIFFERENT and STOOD OUT, and reminded him about the multitude of comments he has received over the years.

God help anyone who had a go about his hair in front of me. I don't blame you at all for your response! ;)

ezymay said...

I love having red hair!! Yeah I got crap as a kid but these days ppl pay hairdressers an awful lot of money to have hair like mine!!! I wanted my daughter to have red hair it's different but she is blondish...I don't even really know what colour it is!!
My fav was ppl calling me carrot top cause I could say carrot tops are green moron!!

Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures said...

My daughter has red tinge to her hair, and you know what, I hope she manages to keep the colour during her school years. Yes, she may get picked on, but she could get picked on about any number of things.
From my experience, the best kids can come up with for teasing rangas is "Carrot Top" to which my darling only has to remember that the tops of carrots are actually green ;)

I wish I had've overheard the masturbate remark in Coles. I may have pissed on the floor.

J said...

I am envious of red hair. I love it! I spent my teens trying to turn my brown hair into red. I hoped my kids would have red but my husband is Italian so my kids missed the red gene from his side. Mind you, I have 3 kids all completely different colouring. When my first two were little my standard reply to "oh, they don't look alike do they" (followed by inquiring looks) was "yes, they have the same father".

J said...

Ps. I probably tick off mothers of red heads by gushing about how beautiful it is;-)

Toni said...

I got teased a lot as a kid and it made me hugely self-conscious.
The people who call me a ranga or carrot top now get greeted with, "Yeah, thanks Fatso" (or FourEyes or Big Ears or Baldy or whatever the case may be.)
Because seriously -- WTF? it's HAIR, people. Just hair. Get over it.

And J? you'll NEVER tick off the mums by telling them their kids' red hair is beautiful, honest :)

WittyUsername said...

Tehehe, I wish I was that quick witted. By the time I think of something even remarkably inventive the moment has passed, and I'm left blinking in surprise.