Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Probably shouldn't open this one at work......

At the risk of completely throwing my blog in the smut basket, The most hilarious thing happened today....To  my dear Mum.
I kind of have permission to write this... only I couldn't help but get the feeling that she may have thought I was joking... but too bad.. so sad. Its amusing.

A few weeks ago.... good old Mum returned from a weekend away to find the hall toilet had died sometime in her absence, and had flooded the hall, most of the upstairs bedrooms and the laundry downstairs.
This is not the funny bit for all the sicko's already laughing.... and shut up... that's my mum your laughing at.

So, anyway, the carpet and wardrobes needed replacing.
Carpet day arrived and mum went to work, my step dad stayed home to instruct the Wardrobe and carpet men arrived... looking nothing, sadly, like this..........

There was much dismantling and sweaty cracks........... All was going smoothly till the bottom of the wardrobe was dismantled, under the drawer lining was removed.. there in full view of my Stepfather and said workmen were these guys..........'




not exactly these guys, but close enough... I wasn't touching them to take a photo.....
No, no no no no........ I pinched these look alike from here... I warn you!  probably wouldn't click on this link..........consider yourself warned.

After a few smirky sideways glances among the workmen and my step dad barely controlling his eccentric laughter.... there was a short silence before the argument started over who would be picking them up.....
My step dad... being the home owner and all..... ended up bagging them butcher style and flicking them inside the bag......
Never one to miss an opportunity to embarrass my mother and have a good laugh.....
He stopped just outside the doorway to phone my mum... who, I am sure gratefully, happened to be at work at the time.

To the delight of the workmen
The following conversation went a little like this.......

My Step.Dad Very Loudly and feigning shock and horror-"I found your stash".

Mum-What stash?

S.D "Don't play foolish woman... frank and bill.. that's who I found!".

M Frank and what?... what do you want?.. I am really busy

S.D The two huge rubber falice's that what...

M short silence.............What?

My step dad was nearly bursting with laughter at this point he went on to explain what had happened....
My poor mum... mortified, replied......
"WELL THEY ARE NOT MINE!!!!!!!..... I am menopausal and tired..... I don't have time for real ones.....What makes you think I'd be bothered with pretend ones???"

S.D Bahahahahahahaha...


Mum denies owner ship and is claiming that possession is 9/10 of the law so they must be my step dads........

What is very disturbing is they bought the house from a relatively elderly couple.......
But not nearly as disturbing as the fact that I got this graphic blow by blow description of the whole hilarious event from both my step dad and my mother within about an hour of it happening......

Like I told you.. they are free spirited.



I am off to finish feeling a little ill, and inform my therapist I will be requiring an extra session this week.


Emmaxx




11 comments:

Glowless @ Where's My Glow said...

I did not laugh once during this post*... I just sat here, rocking back and forth, willing it to all go away. Is it because people our parents' age are having sex? No. It's because it is a massive fear of mine that some random visitor to my house will find "The Fun Box". This is proof that it could happen! :P

*Acutally PMSL the whole time, but my comment would have made as much impact that way.

Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures said...

I laughed.
Sure, it's funny if they were your Mum's, but funnier if they weren't!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAH, best. post. ever.

Anonymous said...

This is your mum I PROMISE..... they weren't mine.....

PS. what would be the best way to sterlise them???

Oh, i know its gross but they NEVER EVER have these at Vinnies....

whatsinemmasbrain said...

You are a sick puppy mother.... very sick puppy..:p

Anonymous said...

yEAH.... well watch out its in the genes.....

Anonymous said...

AND I ONLY TOLD YOU because it would be the main topic of conversation ALL OVER the outer tartan petticoat within minutes..... thought it would be better coming from me than you hear it at the opening of the new Macca's.... NOW THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS.... The shame.... the shame.....

whatsinemmasbrain said...

Sorry Mum... like I said... Too bad... so sad...:p I stand by it x

Mich said...

im sorry, but that just gave me the laugh that i needed today. Had a really crap morning, and thats made my day so much better. and again Emma's mum, im sorry.

Good Golly Miss Holly! said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Your family sounds as awesome as mine. Never a dull moment!

Very Bored in Catalunya said...

Your mum sounds ace, I reckon she should just fess up and win the kudos!

River said...

Oh. Ummm.....errr, I have to go and move my stash..bye..

sterilising? weak bleach solution? steradent?
Toss them and buy new ones?