Thursday, March 17, 2011

Access Denied.

The Aus Blog Con is fast approaching... as a result, I have spent a lot of time flicking through magazines... mainly trying to get a clue......

I came across an article recently... What not to put inside your Vagina.
It astounded me that such a topic would necessitate an article.
I tell you... I learned a few things.

Apparently there are several things you should avoid
Among the list were;

Temporary tattoo's 
My mind turned to just what kind of women would open a packet of freddo's and say...
"Yesssss!... boogie boarding freddo..

That's going straight on my Vag.

(In Emma's brain.. she is the kind of woman that works at my local Post office.....
the kind you'd least expect.)

Another Alarming thing on the list were Vagicials...
Like This kind...

But for your lovely.
(Note-  another thing I learned was that you should be very wary when googling the word Facial.... be very specific.)
I can confidently say that I had never considered a facial like treatment for my Vagina.. nor did I know they even existed.... Why?... For what?... and
Just how would you go about marketing such a product?

My alarm though, increased when I learned that Jelly- Rubber sex toys were listed.
The article read that, according to Dr Robert Goldfarb...(I know I had a giggle too.... Goldfarb)
The surface can develop nicks where microbes can grow.... I know.... appetising isn't it.
Further more... Dr Shari Brasner...(name clearly not as amusing) claims so called jelly rubber contain phthalates  and that research suggests phthalates may raise your risk of allergic reactions and even cancer and recommends making sure your Joy Toys are phthalate free.

I was only mildly alarmed...It seems I had escaped a close call..
A few years ago, I attended a sex toy party, hosted by a friend....
It's just like a Tupperware party.. only your husband really wants to go.
I purchased a red jelly like number, with a lady beetle on the box, and Pelvic pearls. (In case you were wondering)
The box with the Red lady beetle arrived. I waited for the kids to go to bed and I opened her up.
Inside the the lid of the box was a sticker... it read


At the risk of repeating myself... again... Why?... For what?
 How does "want to smell my vibrator?"  EVER come up in conversation? Maybe I need to get out more.
 My husband offered in all seriousness that it could be like a drawer fragrance... like those dried lavender bags. I don't know... but it was wrong.

Do you know what else is wrong?

I'm off to stamp my twitter add onto the back of 250 business cards because I forgot to put it on. (Classy professionalism at it's best)
 Alas!.. Procrastination bites me in the arse again, there is no time to print more.

Excited for Saturday

Am On My way....
AUS BLOG CON 2011 Look out!
 Very nervous... very excited...
Be Back Monday



Glowless @ Where's My Glow said...

I'm a professional procrastinator and a control freak at the same time. So I put things off then panic.
Phthalate free. BPA free. There's no fun in sex toys any more!

EmmaK said...

hilarious! I went to a sex toy party where they were selling all sorts of horrible creams - a particularly crazy one was a spray guaranteed to freeze your gag reflex !!

The Original SuperParent said...

Love the photos, Emma. And really enjoyed meeting you! :-) Cheers, Colin