Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Giant Crap Sandwich- Wankers and Ego Land.


toast


So The hubby quit his Job..... finally. Gave notice and politely eff'd off.
I am a little bit sad for him. It's the end of an era.....
He may now move on and when we are old and grey, he may bore me with his old man stories from back in the day.... and I will love it.


He is not as young as he used to be, and has become intolerant of all the egotistical bullshit of his profession.
 All the travel and time away from his family were also taking their toll.

Our Ms Two is a daddy's girl, Last time he was in LA she followed me around with the phone saying "Daddy... Daddy...?"
I never told him... It would have broken his heart.

upon his return,.... Ms two was sitting in the lounge room when her daddy burst in the door... all smiles and waiting with open arms for a kiss from his princess, She promptly dropped her bottom lip and hid in my lap.

I didn't need to tell him anything, It broke on its own.
A week later and he handed in his notice.
My hubby will always be a rock star to us... Always.

I Have strong negative feelings toward a few of the people my husband worked for... its no secret.
It is purely my opinion... but I have come to the conclusion that,
They are Wankers.

On a completely Unrelated note... you know.... it has NOTHING to do with my husbands Previous employer or anything.......
I imagine...
Wankers come from a wonderful Land of Ego, a magical place, where your penis size is never affected by any alleged steroid use, and your pee pee always appears bigger than the person next to you in the trough.
Your hair always looks amazing..
 you will drive 40 minutes in traffic, then pay $110.00 for someone to wash your company car and pretend you own it....while you sit and nibble sushi and drink a skinny mocha chino late, so that you may update your face book status from LA to tell every one that you are sipping caffeine in Surry Hills... and in Ego Land.... Every body gives a crap.

In Ego land your employees are your servants and it is completely acceptable to get them to pick up your TV from Harvey Norman for you, and they will do it willingly, on their day off, with no complaint..... They have to... I mean.... all you have to say is....

who's the boss??!!!

People will believe in your leadership abilities, just because you say it...... your track record or your clear lack of competence, and inferior management and people skills are of no importance in Ego Land.

In Ego Land, Seventeen hour work days are compulsory, and if at the end of your week you are lucky, you can take the weekend to work relax...  at some loud event.
If you are the boss, you may drink excessively at these events and leer at the chests of women passing by... the women in ego land love that...... they Always giggle and screw their nose up squeal.."oh you!"

You can walk around saying things like Maaan.. and Mother Fucker and just because you swore!... that makes it a joke!.... and EVERYONE will always laugh!
I mean.... you're automatically funny...  you're the Boss!

You may pretend that your employees never talk about you in a negative way.. or make fun of you behind your back... ever, because you know everybody loves you.... everybody..... how could they not?.... you are ruggedly handsome and appear in new Idea for crying out loud!?

Besides... you can hire a wing man to do all of your work any way.. he can walk around and tell everyone how great you are so you will have more time to reject your calls....
You and your wing man.. who of course is inferior to you in every way.... would be an inseparable, indestructible and powerful duo.....

Politics

You must never take company feed back or the experienced word of any one else well... It is a direct blow to your core and you may take it as a personal insult... Who do they think they are? You are the Boss!

You may steal the work of your employees and cc those employees in on the email you send the head honcho, passing off their work as your own, telling them all about your great work.

You may keep all of your employees in the dark so they must call you every time they need to fart, so that you can answer your phone in an impatient manner, because you receive too many calls.. you are that in demand.... and you know... so the girl sitting across the bar at the Ivy will think you are important.

You may pay your employees whatever you feel like paying them... there is no need to offer a Per Diem for overseas travel, or anything like that, there is enough incentive to come to work...they are working under you.

You may thank your employees for their service by asking them to return the company vehicle to your house.. they would hate to inconvenience your sleeping off in.... 
After they return their company vehicle, it is considered polite to drop them at the nearest train station for them to make the hour and a half (with track work) journey home, so they may then walk home in the rain.


What a wonderful Lime green world that would be.

Giant Crap Sandwich

Emmaxx






4 comments:

Trish_Show and Tell said...

Hi
Popping in from AMB to follow you and check out your blog.
Love this post. Can't wait to read more.

Trish
xx

Parental Parody said...

Think I am developing a Mummy Blogger type crush on you, just from this post alone. Love your writing style. You are hilarious! Looking forward to reading the rest of your posts (and...you know...no pressure to keep up the humour or anything...)

{Crafty Girls} said...

Haha I totally feel that way about my husbands employers!!! You would so love this song by The Lonely Island called "like a boss"
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NisCkxU544c

Following now! :D

EmmaK said...

Great post. What I used to love most about working was being made redundant - three months pay to piss around with SWEEEETT