Thursday, March 10, 2011

A Load off - OCD Huzzah!

So we have a diagnosis..... Finally.

 It's official my Husband has O.C.D

I know right? Our kids are dipping in the shallow end of the mental health gene pool...poor bastards.

When I think about OCD, I conjure up images of light switch flicking, counting, pacing.....
 As good as it gets.... have you seen it?

In real life... its not that funny.... It's not that obvious.
In real life its not so cut and dry.

The truth is that my husband has always been a little strung... very ritualistic and routined. That was him.
He has (had) a stressful job... he had every right to be high strung... his routines were quirky? he is a quirky guy.
Very slowly..... these rituals, routines, small outbursts ... they started to take over.
They crept in, hiding behind my mans eccentric behaviour and festered.

Yes, I did find it odd....  he does a lot of odd things.. doesn't everybody?

He wasn't flicking light switches or counting.. or obsessively checking locks...... That's what OCD is right?

He had his obsessions, there's no denying it... and I forget when it was exactly, that these obsessions stopped forming part of my husbands quirky and eccentric behaviour and started becoming excessive and irrational.........
He doesn't remember either.. the thoughts had always been there... as long as he could remember... They were just not always as pronounced... or as controlling.. or as debilitating.

Disruptive... for every one... destructive for him.

Cliche or not, it was very much like turning around and thinking.... "how did we get here?"
Then things came to a head... nasty, bitter, and resentful.
But he spoke, it poured out till he was empty.

At first I was sad for could I have no idea?
Stupid boys and their vow of silence.
It's so fricken unnecessary.

Do you know that Three in every three hundred people will struggle with OCD?
that's about 450 000 Australians.

There are a lot of people out there avoiding cracks in the foot path, most of them silently.

 I had a few Ah- hah! moments.... lots of them actually

When I would stomp around in the morning cursing him for waking the baby when he left at 5am, how could I know that it was very necessary for him to kiss her several times?... pace in and out of her room... in and out of the boys rooms.... that in his mind, that would keep them safe while he was away... that would control the anxiety....
So Many..........
 needless worries, lay silent.

I am not sad anymore.
I am beyond happy... very slowly I am getting the man I married back.. several times a week I have these moments... when I think.. wow!.... I forgot you used to Do that,..... Say that... There you are....Fuck I love you.... I remember.
So does he.
He says this process, (the healing?)... is not easy... but it isn't as hard as living with it,..... the way it was.

He is happy for me to write about it.

We are celebrating. This is not sad news,

 No pity please.

 This is exciting, fantastic... finally! an answer.. a direction!..
We are being selfish for a while, we have to be.

Things are becoming great right now.

My Husband has OCD

Emma xx


The Fat Lady said...

Wow, what a brilliant post, thank you. My husband does a few obssessive things as well, but I believe his is Asperger's rather than OCD. I agree with you on men keeping quiet though - I feel like crap everytime I figure out he's been miserable about something for weeks and didn't tell me. Just speak up!

cjtato said...

How fantastic that you (he) have a starting point. After recent events it seems even more important that the men in our lives learn to speak up and out. We all need help from time to time and how much easier is it usually when someone else is along for the ride? I think as women we kind of get that. It's in our nature to seek out friends for support but our men. They just retreat to that bloody cave. That big, dark, silent, lonely cave.

And I think you're right about a lot of people having very slight forms of OCD. Quite often it is overlooked as superstitious in it's mild forms. I can see how easily it could seep in and just take over without you ever realising until it was right there.

Yay for you guys!!!

Glowless @ Where's My Glow said...

Huzzah! You can most definitely recover from OCD. I did :) Sometimes when I'm really really really stressed it will appear to creep back for a few days, and I'll fall in to my old habits, but because I've done a lot of work I can now quickly pull myself out of it by recognizing what's happening. Huzzah! Brilliant news :)

Rah said...

I love that something that would cause so much anxiety to some people is causing you two to look as happy as that little squirrel.
That squirrel is brilliant :)

River said...

Great that you have a definite diagnosis and treatment is working. It's nice to see the "old" hubby coming back isn't it?
I'm a little OCD myself, but mostly only with organising my things. Like pantry items must all have the labels facing forward, books and dvd's are shelved alphabetically; that sort of thing.

Good Golly Miss Holly! said...


Suz said...

Great post and your outlook on it all inspires me! :)