My panic over what to wear to the up coming conference was overshadowed recently by what to wear to my Besties wedding.
I am a bridesmaid, one of five.
That and a raging toothache, and segmented dental work.
I love my Bestie, although we could quite possibly be opposites in every way.
If I am honest... and I usually am, I was expecting the whole dress shopping to be quite an ordeal.
My Bestie has been planning this wedding since she was seven,
she is also notoriously fussy, her dislike of everything is a running joke among her family and close circle.
I gathered with the other bridesmaids on the porch of Bestie Bride, the morning of the mammoth shopping trip had arrived, us maids exchanged nervous glances at each other, sipping coffee and sucking on cigarettes, no one daring to crack a funny over the brides habitual bad mood.
Her mood exacerbated by the fact that she has been recently started an elimination diet to sort out a moody tummy, and by elimination I mean she can eat two types of cheese, some birdseed and three types of lettuce.
Bride burst through the front door, wielding water bottles.... If she was on an elimination diet excluding Coke a cola, none of us bitches would be drinking it either.
The car trip made me smile at my bestie, she was sporting her usual I'm stressed no one f with me look, and bitching out her bad mood to all that would listen,
Topics included but not limited to,
The bad driving of others,..... her love of coca cola,...... People whom had better not think they were invited"
..... The cost of such a mammoth event, .............Her desire for a glass of coca cola,
Bitchy sales women who were lining themselves up for a flying headbutt,....... and back to the old chestnut, the bad driving of others,......Oh! and her desire for a coke.
I loved that everyone in that car smiled at her too, all these gals loved her as much as I do and they all understood her need to vent out her nerves.
We couldn't hide our excitement that the date was drawing near.
We arrive at the first Bridal Boutique and clamber out.
All of us, thanks to said coffee and water, were busting for the toot.
We made our way through a maze of doors and headless plastic brides donned in cream and white creations in varying states of fluff, to a large staircase... with no other option we climb the stair case into the actual store.
We were greeted by two women, differing shades of blonde, both slicked back in a french roll of some sort, both wearing matching little black dresses.
My need for the toilet was briefly distracted by the divine couches I would have taken a photo, but
" excuse me mam..* insert fake smile and the head tilt of pity, because there are people out there with such little class* "cameras were not allowed in the store... thanks very much."
Any way they looked like this...
I wasn't arguing.. I needed the loo bad.
I leave the bride to flick through white creation, after off white creation and I line up with the other bridesmaids as we were directed to the loo.
After a hurdle like marathon, over naked headless plastic brides and old chairs we were pointed to the loo... it had a men's figure on the door, but I couldn't care less I was busting.
Returning to the show room I was amused by the brides still lingering bad mood.
The two bitchy sales women from her car premonition sat flicking through papers and updating their twitter, throwing us occasional filthy looks.
As we turned to leave the taller of the two offered the bride a "See anything you like?"
To which the bride announced bluntly, throwing the sales woman a look that would make Hitler cry as she began her decent of the stairs..." No..... Nothing"
safely in the car park we erupted into giggles at the sales women coping the brunt of her mood... the word Mole was thrown around.. and we moved on.
We arrived a store number two, and were greeted by a family of women with open arms and chilled water.
We were escorted around the stores layout and left to browse.
Bridzillas mood had lifted and we began making fun of all the dresses we didn't like, including one that couldn't have been less to the brides taste, we convinced her to try it on.... for kicks.
When she steeped out in that dress, the one we had made fun of.... there was a stunned silence.... This was the dress... She looked amazing... I may have even teared up a little.........
Who would have figured?... Second dress, second store and nothing like the plan.
An hour later the bridesmaids were sorted and we left to devour champagne and Lunch.
Bridezilla had left the building.
Wedding plans and tooth aches