Thursday, March 24, 2011

So what did I learn? - I Don't Bother With Shortbread

Original pic from this guy.

Just In case you were under the illusion that the Bloggers Conference was all about Mojito's, Crown Lager and acting inappropriately, I thought I may share with you, something I learnt.
Among the four thousand notes I took, on creating content and advice from social media experts, I learnt something else.
It was very unexpected, and as I am now in the throws of a great time come down... very fitting.

I wrote this post a while ago.... you know B.C (before the conference)
 It was there I had the privilege of hearing a very profound piece of writing and after I came home I wrote the post again..... ( Then on reading it over I thought I should first clarify, that this post is not about my husband, whom I love to Penrith Plaza and back. x )

I Don't Bother With Shortbread Post BC

I was stood up.
I waited again today and I wondered if he knew that this was the tenth time, or if he even counted. Then it pissed me off because he is the reason I count everything.
 I cant be bothered with shortbread anymore, he is not coming.
It is not that I don't understand it, I do, a hell of a lot more that he would know... he doesn't know much about me.
I know that it is hard to see the reflection of the things you loathe of yourself, I get that you should never put your self out too far, you may fall... and if you do, you should never grasp too tightly on to something that may break and fall away. I get it... Your a Dickhead.

I wish I had more time than he can tolerate, so that I could tell him that it's OK and he doesn't hate me... I get that, he hates himself.

I know that it makes him feel like shit, if he thinks about it too much, and sometimes, that makes me happy.
If I had to describe it, it would be like squashing a cigarette butt under a pair of pencil thin nine inch heels... *squish.. yeah.. suck shit... as well you should*.

I hate it when I feel like that, and not because I would feel like a better person if I didn't.... I am far too selfish for that.

 I hate it because it makes me feel like shit... makes me pick up the phone... again.

It is sad that he knows so little of me, because if he did, he would know that I understood and that sometimes it doesn't matter any more, what matters is today, and sometimes yesterday.


Then I heard this, I had never clapped ears on anything like it.

I re wrote my post on the city rail limo, on my way home.

I don't bother with shortbread  (AC)

I have much to be thankful for.
I choose to forgive, especially the demons that are only here on principal, It can only help my cause.  The desire to fight demons comes from the purest part of me, and that part is great.
I cannot be directed to it, I am the only one that knows the way. I am thankful to be taught that there is a self worth, larger than a self loathing, It is just never for free. 
 I am not responsible for the price or path others set for themselves.

I no longer have to live with you. I do, have to live with me.
Only I need to see where I am, Look around.... Life is good.

Fuck I feel inspired.

 Is it next March yet?  

Emma xx


Dorothy said...

That's beautiful. Eden's reading was even more beautiful than her post. So many gems in it. I have heard them all before, but to see/hear them all together, makes a huge impact. We are what we think, because are thoughts define our actions. We can choose to think good thoughts...

Rah said...

I've been thinking of Eden's post all bloody week.
Now I'll be thinking of yours too

Glowless @ Where's My Glow said...

I remember reading Eden's post when it was first written and it was amazing. Hearing it read out though gave me shivers.
I love the rework of your post. I never really liked shortbread anyway :P

Fi said...

It seems that the beautiful Eden changed many people with her words on the weekend - what an honour to have been there for it.

I'm so happy that you seem to have made peace with yourself & your thoughts surrounding that person.

You deserve that peace honey xxx

thatblogyoudo said...

Ah I love shortbread.. and gingerbread... shame you named this dude after something so yummy! glad your over it.

Being Me said...

This is so profound, Emma. So beautiful. I think all we can ever truly do is help ourselves.