This weekend was doomed from the start... I mean how do you possibly go about following last weekend? I had ceremoniously declared that I was doing five eighths of sweet F.A this weekend... I was voting.... Turning off my phone and perusing the Ikea catalogue, and that was it.
I had spent Thursday afternoon picking the ginormous and now woody squash from my veggie patch, and I woke on Friday morning with tell tale signs of a good old fashioned cold... Sore throat, achy limbs, temperature and a massive headache.... and my frigging leg was itchy... why was my leg so itchy? I was of course, a bit of a sook about this, but I seriously felt like crap. I fell into bed about 8pm on Friday night.
The following bit gets a bit gross and graphic.... Just saying.
When I woke up on Saturday morning the first thing I noticed was that I still felt like crap, and for some reason... my leg was stuck to the sheet. I prized it off... much like you would pick a dry snail off a house plant, and had a squiz.... This is what I found...
This is not my nipple, This is a festering ulcer on my thigh. It was sore, burning and still frigging itchy.
OK, it's gross, probably should make an appointment with the doctor.
My headache was in fact worse and I felt like I had been hit by a bus, I was running a fever and I go for a wee...
OK I said this was graphic right?...
I was now pissing blood.
After a quick self narrative of... "That's...... Now that's.... not right"......... I call in saintly babysitting duties of my in laws and then, my doctor.
Have you ever tried to get a doctors appointment at lunchtime on a Saturday? It cant be done.... even if you are pissing blood.
I give up and head into the hospital. Before I leave, I pee into a container, seal the lid and pop it into my hand bag.... I thought this would streamline events.
I arrive in emergency and head to triage, I plonk my festering wee cup on the desk and tell her I am pissing a lovely shade of Rosé and I have this ulcer thingy on my leg.
She flares her nostrils and tells me that that was fine I could put the pee away, she took my details and handed me a "sterile" specimen container. I pee again and wait.... Then I remember... Shit I have to vote.
Before too long I am called in... they do the usual spiel and the doc comes to inspect my leg.
He peered over my thigh and he seriously...... flared his nostrils in disgust!... his face was all screwed up in a look of pity.
He turned to me and he said.... "something bit you?"
I replied That I wasn't sure... "not that I know of.."
He then repeated himself...This time with a dead pan face...... "Something bit you."
Apparently he was telling me... it wasn't a question.
He then proceeded to inspect me from head to toe like a chimp looking for lice. He took a few bloods, sent me for a chest x ray and started up a drip.
Do you know there are people that come around to the hospital so you can still vote?
So back in struts Doc.
Do you know what it he thinks it might be????
Fucking Lyme disease!.....
Some dirty arse tick may have buried it's choppers underneath my skin and was releasing toxins...
I'll tell you what I know about Lyme disease...
Dear Miss Hoover,
You have Lyme disease.
Kevin is biting me. Please come back soon.
Here is a picture of a SpiroRocket.
Either that or a White Tailed Spider
For those of you not from Oz, Australia is a plethora of dangerous wildlife, especially spiders, many of them are deadly,and almost all can be found at some stage, in your house.
White Tail spiders are not deadly, however they can carry a bacteria on their fangs that can eat away at your skin.
So they plug me to a drip, painfully scrape away the fester and I am on my way home with a swag of drugs to enjoy some bed rest.
I am going to be fine.
I turn off my phone and begin flicking through the Ikea catalogue, on Doctors orders.
Be very careful what you wish for.