Saturday, May 14, 2011

Part Two- 101- The Silent Treatment

If you missed the first lesson... shame on you.... You can do a make up lesson HERE, and please....  For the sake of others in the class please be more considerate next time... Some of us are trying to learn........
PART TWO
Silent But Deadly

You may fall victim to the Silent treatment long before you become aware that you are in fact, being ignored....
This time of blissful uninterrupted TV will not last for long however.... your spouse will soon draw attention to the fact that the two of you are no longer talking, as there is no fun in ignoring someone who is unaware they are being ignored.

The silent treatment, as convenient as it may sound, is fraught with danger.
yes you may be able to watch your ball or motor sports, uninterrupted by the woes of your spouses friends, or mundane chatter about blogging, other bloggers you have no idea about or dentist appointments... However, this pay off will be minimal at best.

The Silent Treatment, although containing the word Silent, rarely is... Think of The Silent Treatment as terse and efficient responses to your attempts at interaction... Or -

The silent treatment with one word clause.

Stage one of the silent treatment is usually when you are first aware that you are in the poo.
It will become apparent to you when you discover a need for a clean shirt... or are perhaps struck with a sudden case of Male Pantry Blindness.... and find your self with a need to ask our spouse a question....

This question will be met with a short and abrasive.."I don't Know", occasionally accompanied by a sarcastic tone or superior facial expression.......
Just to be sure that your spouse is not just distracted... you will generally ask another question... typically... "What is wrong with you?"

This is your first mistake.

You are in fact now fueling the anger, as your spouse will become inflamed by the knowledge, or conformation that you are indeed selfish enough to have no idea what is wrong....
I have some advice for you at this stage.... NEVER ask this question more than once! You are now completely engaged in the Silent Treatment, any further attempts to pry the bug from her arse are now governed by the laws of  Silent Treatment.
Any and all responses can now only be answered with the following words...

Nothing-
NOTHING!
I'm Fine
Don't Worry about it
and finally
Nothing... Now get lost.
In the real world, the meaning of these common words are simplistic and familiar, Governed by the laws of Silent Treatment, these words take on a completely different and more complex meaning...
Nothing- becomes You!... How do you like them apples?
NOTHING!- Becomes You and the fact that you are an insensitive jerk
I'm Fine- becomes All is not fine Fucker, can you not see me slamming things around????
Don't worry about it- becomes If I have to explain it to you , then you are clearly a bigger arsehole than at first glance....
Nothing, just get lost- becomes You, Figure it out for your self .... the mere sight of you is making me violently ill now fuck off on the horse you rode in on.

As tempting as it may be to depart on the horse you rode in on,  perhaps to the shed, or the pub with Dave or Golf.....you have just taken the first dangerous steps in negotiating the Silent Treatment.

If you choose to leave now, you are taking the second deadly step toward major fight... resulting in tears and the need to buy flowers..... Your absence will only give your spouse valuable seething time, in which she will use to her full advantage.

Seething Time.....
It will be during this seething time that she will be surrounded by your possessions... each and everyone a souvenir of just how much of a dick you actually are....
Your spouse may also use this time to seethe about past arguments that were to your knowledge... done an dusted... They were Never done and dusted.. they just lie dormant, sleeping soundly till Seething time.... a time in which they can inconveniently return, in their absence they can grow and twist and emerge in the form of something that will better suit the new argument....
Your spouse may also use this time to utilise her phone a friend option... guaranteed she will pick the bitchiest one... a pal guaranteed to feed, justify and remind her of other inconsiderate behaviour......

Your absence will also be providing your spouse with time to adjust all of the kinks in the argument... have the fight in her head before she has it with you... and add to the argument....
The Longer the absence... the more dire the consequences on your return....

NEVER let the silent treatment lead to seething time.

Now that we have explained the very basic and perfectly comprehensible rules of the Silent Treatment... it leads us to PART THREE.... The fight itself........ It is in part three that we will cover....
What is the fight about?... How is it possible to still have no idea of what the fight is about? Will somebody please tell me what the fight is about?
Class dismissed.....

Emmaxx

5 comments:

Lady Fabulous said...

You are obviously an expert on this topic, and I bow to your wisdom! And will be emailing this to Professor at work, at home, and printing it out and stapling it to his computer.

mishaps and mayhem of a gluten free life said...

Lol! This is so true every women can relate to this!!!

Kellie said...

You my friend, are a fountain of knowledge. I urge you to publish this information. It would be a bestseller.

Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures said...

The fact that I understand and agree with this is alarming. How can you know me better than my own husband !?
Haha love it!

Leah said...

I am totally deficient in the ability to give a silent treatment - he wishes I could LOL How do you not explode while silently seething??