There are plenty of things that suck in my house.... plenty, I wont go into it because this letter would be too long and I get sick of hearing myself whinge, However there is one thing in this house that should suck, and doesn't ....( Other than the obviously crude double entendre... but I have been married for ten years so ... meh is my excuse) But you... Words fail to describe my frustration and loathing of your presence.
Your filters are clean, Your barrel is empty, you have no blockages, I have had you for less than twelve months... as far as I am concerned your failure to do an adequate job is unacceptable.
The extended warranty I purchased as a condition of your employment is utterly useless, as I do not wish to have you repaired or replaced with another of your kind.
Do the words "Done your Dash" mean anything to you Mr Godfrey?
I would like to bring to your attention the issues we had yesterday.
Namely The pencil shavings..... Remember?
When I took you on I was under the impression that you could do an adequate job, your failure to inhale these pencil shavings meant that I had to get the broom, then the dustpan and the brush.... Your arrival should have made the use of these implements almost redundant, Sadly this has not been the case.
I know the issue of weight should not factor into your ability to do a good job, but quite frankly... you are too heavy... your cords failure to retract has also been an issue on far too many occasions and then there are the toe stubbings... The many, many toe stubbings.
I do not want to drag this out longer than necessary, nor do I want, need or require your services any longer...
I have taken the liberty of looking into a few other places in which you would be suitably qualified and welcomed..... I came across what I would deem to be a suitable environment for you, I don't know much about the organisation, however the pictures look nice....
You may pack your things and vacate the premises by the close of business today.
I wish you a polite yet indifferent "all the best" in your future endeavours.
A huge thanks to Troy from Going off (In a new direction) for his fabulous guest post yesterday, If you missed it, you can read it here.