Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Giant Crap Sandwich Best and Better

OK so I already had the shits this morning because Master six and I do mean MASTER six has decided to have an "I don't want to go to school" melt down... I am stuck between a rock and a hard place... I mean, surely there is something going on at school right?

Now I am not so sure,  He spent a large chunk of Kindy clinging to the arm of his older brother, He hasn't made many friends..... Or so I thought... I have met with his Teacher whom did his best to calm my nerves.... I spoke to the parent of other year one'rs, It does seem he is now fitting in well, He is being invited to play dates and Party's............ I have kind of reached the point where I feel like I am being played.

I have lost sympathy for the 8:25 Meltdown......

I endured one this morning and it always leaves me on edge... upset and Cranky with a capital C word.
I feel like I cant win ...

 He can not stay home... apart from the fact that I would be giving in to the demands of a six year old tyrant, It is the law... He MUST go... You know... It's a stiff shit kiddo..... suck it up kind of situation.

I send him and he is a blubbering mess.... clinging and screeching so loud that I swear the (Fucking Catnapping) neighbours think we beat the child...
We escaped the whole of kindy without a tear.
I must admit, I give in far more often than I should, because it is Fucking heart wrenching...

So This morning I endured the house war, the school war..My own meltdown in the parking lot...(The one that comes from feeling like you are feeding your young to the lions) then I made my way to the chemist to fill a script.
While I was waiting, I observed a young mother pushing a pram filled with grocery bags, clinging to a fussy tiny new born.
The new born was growling and butting it's little gaping mouth over the patch of bare skin on the mothers neck.. The baby's face was red and frantic.... The mothers face was red and frantic.

The positively pompous chemist assistant waddled up to the new mum and asked if she needed any help.... The mother on the verge of tears said she needed some formula... She went on to explain that the baby was not latching... she was in a great deal of pain and she had an appointment with the lactation consultant in two days time... two very long days...
The Pompous chemist lady lay a patronising hand on her shoulder..... and do you know what she said?
" Well we all know that breast is best... are you sure that you don't want to persevere?"

The mother shrieked on the edge of hysteria... "Of course I want to persevere but she is STARVING"... she promptly burst into tears and the chemist lady offered her a seat, a tissue then pointed her in the direction of the formula... The Chemist lady was not quite sure what to do, I am sure... she lingered for a bit... patting her gingerly on the shoulder.... The new mother shrugged her off and the chemist lady made her way back behind the counter.
I saw the look on the mothers face... she didn't get that the chemist lady didn't know what to do or say...  to her , when the chemist lady walked away.. It must have felt like.... No assistance here. If you are going to formula feed your baby, you go right ahead... but you are on your own....

It must have been the shared hysteria of the morning...... and at the risk of being shrugged off also I took a seat next to the mother and her growling newborn...
I said... Every one is very quick to tell us that breast is best, we are not idiots and we have all read the pamphlets and pregnancy mags... But sometimes... Bottle is better too....

The teary woman looked up and went on to explain that if she could just get her daughters little tummy full then they could both relax and try again, that her new daughter was far too fussy to latch on properly and she had not slept for two days... I walked over to the formula and grabbed her a tin, a bottle.. and a box of sterilising tablets... I told her that I thought a bottle or two sounded like a great idea, and I thought that she was doing a fabulous job. I told her that she can make an emergency appointment at the local clinic in town if she needed.... I told her that thousands and thousands of babies thrived on the bottle every day... and a couple of full tummies and a bit of sleep meant that sometimes, bottle was best too.
The mother thanked me, and purchased the formula.
She turned to the pompous Chemist lady and said.... "Sometimes, bottles are best too..." and she left.

I then had a very uncomfortable three more minutes to wait for my script.

I am not even going to weigh into the debate on breast versus bottle, the science of it.... we have all heard, read, seen the information... You can not escape it....

What about the mothers who can not breast feed for a variety of reasons... They are on medications...perhaps.... Maybe they cant breast feed because they had a boob job in Thailand when they were 21?....... Maybe they would love to breast feed but just need to calm a crying infant, long enough to eat a decent meal... take a hot shower and have a few hours rest?.... who knows? Who's business is it of any one Else's?

Breast is better, we know that OK... ....But Sometimes... and get this scoop..... bottle is better for *GASP* the mother! Last time I checked, What is best for baby is what is best for mum.
Sometimes, bottle is better too, and it would be far more beneficial to everyone if we could do that with out a side order of guilt. I don't know of any mother who can look at her new born and say bugger it, you will get what you are given... I am bottle feeding you because it is inferior and I do not want what is best for you.

What is good for mum, is good for everyone.

Next time... I may even take Master Six to school.... late! and tear free!...and sometimes... I need to remember to be good to his mum....



The Mother Experiment said...

Oh the poor new mother. How horrifying. I'm sure the chemist lady didn't mean to be a bitch, but that's pretty disgusting. The hospital where I had my baby gave me no info on bottle feeding at all. Fortunately my daughter was a natural boob-sucker but I can only imagine how terrible I would feel going into that situation. Breastfeeding is next to impossible to establish if mum n bub r that stressed. You helping her would have been the highlight of her day. Good on you.

Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures said...

You are a legend.
I am on Team Tit but if I ran into that Mum I would have done the same thing.
I would rather see my babies or someone elses baby happy and well fed regardless of how it is done and if she needs sleep, she's stressed and her milk supply and her own health are going to suffer too much to even attempt the breast. Sometimes bottles are best.
As long as the baby and mummy are getting what they need (food and sleep) respectively, who is anyone to judge how it's done?
I hope she's okay, and hope you are doing okay too xoxoxox

Kellie said...

I wish I had someone like you around when I had my daughter!
Struggling to feed her in the hospital, all I got told was "If you're a good mother, you'll get this right."
You're right, sometimes bottle IS best. Some babies wouldn't be fed otherwise, because despite popular belief - breastfeeding DOESN'T come easy to everyone. It's bloody hard work!
You gave that poor Mum a bit of confidence, and that is something most new Mum's lack in those early days. You should be proud!

Glowless @ Where's My Glow said...

Kudos, Emma. It's her choice and she needed some help - I hope you realize how your few minutes of helping will continue to help her; she will talk about the day when a stranger was so kind.

Yes, I'm a breastfeeding advocate, but I'm not a breastfeeding nazi - I'm of the "what works for you is best for you" variety.

Two days is such a very very long time with a screaming starving newborn. That chemist chick can suck it, who the hell does she think she is? I hope when the mama is feeling a little better she makes a complaint.

Gemma @ My Big Nutshell said...

Firstly, bloody hell, what a situation with your son.

Secondly, good for you for 'seeing' the mother and her needs and helping her. I wish people would stop dispensing advice and actually listen to the call people make, just as you have done here. Brilliant.

Just found your post via FB link from The Good, the bad & the unnecessary.

Miss Pink said...

I cannot believe someone said that to her. Instead of talking with her, taking the baby from her, showing her the formula, but asking her if she would like someone to sit with her and HELP her rather than saying "Well breast is best".
I am so glad you sat with her.
I'm sorry Master 6 is going through a hard time at school. Usually when the kids are upset there is something going on. Maybe he doesn't like his teacher? But i would dig for answers. Trust your mummy gut, it's usually right.

Lady Fabulous said...

Good on you Emma - breast is fabulous and so is bottle when the only other option is starving. I wish other mums got the support you just gave, those few minutes will have helped her hugely. You're awesome :)

Daisy, Roo and Two said...

GOOD. ON. YOU!!!!! SOmetimes as a new mum you just need someone Yo give enough of a shit not to spout the party line and give some real advice! I breastfed Roo from woah to go, but in hospital it took nearly 5 days for my milk to come in, she was hysterical, I was hysterical and a midwife (who shall remain nameless lest she be fired for offering) asked if I would like to give Roo a bottle and have her taken to the nursery so I could sleep. After crying for an hour about it, being put back on blood pressure medication after finally getting off it, and pretty much being sedated I was all for that bloody bottle. That one bottle and 4 hours sleep is all we BOTH needed to get back on track. Breastfed for 12 months. Like I said. GOOD ON YOU!!

Mich said...

I Love you for this post.

I was one of those mums that even though i perservered I couldnt breast feed. i tried for weeks and in the end the bottle was what was best for us. my children grew, and slept. and i slept.

And I was constantly chastised for it by people with their looks, and by people saying the old breast is best.
I almost told one of my dad's friends to go fuck himself when he said it to me.

Fussy Eater's Mum said...

Great post Emma. Never ceases to amaze me how stupid people are. I'm talking about the chemist, not you. Thank goodness you were there at that time for that young mum. You handled it brilliantly.

You sound like you have your hands full with Master 6. Hang in there. It's their job to run rings around you and your job to round them up and point them in the right direction - even if you're not sure which is the right direction to be heading in. It's also hard to know what's happening to your kids when they are school all day. Are there things the teacher isn't seeing, etc. So you did well to think to ask.