Friday, October 14, 2011

I spent $50 on a pair of thongs and other tales from Bloggual leave

As a Blogger, (and yes, I wrote that on the census form so it must be true,)
 I get invited via email to events, foreign Lotteries, Product launches, to be part of the Nigerian Royal Family, Brand parties, releases, premiers and the opening of lunch boxes.

To be honest, I can't go to most and some I wouldn't even if I could.

Want to open your house to a photographer and let him document the crud that this fantastic vacuum cleaner sucks out of your marital bed??? Anyone???? You get to attend a seminar first, I mean intimate gathering????

Occasionally though, I get invited to things I actually want to go to and rarer still, two of these must attend events will fall on the same day.

This is usually not a problem, but what do you do when the first event definitely requires heels and the second event really calls for more of a walking friendly shoe?

If you are a normal person you may pack a pair of flats in your handbag but not me.

No, I chose a great boot, my Comfiest pair, which is all well and good for the first 5 hours after that, every step was a painful endurance test.

By the time I figured this out That this was the case I was about half way through the second event, where I still spoke in animated conversation, and flooded the twitter stream with recounts and quotes from the event. I am obviously a professional genius, because all the while Emma's brain was noisy with phrasing like... "flats dickhead!!! It's seriously not that hard!!!
And Owwwww for the love of all things good! Flats!!!"

By the end of the event, my eyes were watering, I made convincingly emotional good byes an air kisses and I made my exit.

The minute I was a safe distance from the venue I collapsed on the nearest bench and I stayed there until the unrelenting throb in my heels and the painful stabbing sensation in my toes subsided and a brief and wonderful numb spread over my feet.
My car was a good eight blocks away.

It was then that I looked up and saw this..........

Well, it wasn't that exact image but more like a small Haviana stand in the window of General Pants, But it may as well have been.

So I braved the Cool kids, the teeny boppers and the little skaters that could, and I headed toward the stand, shimmering like a desert mirage, I grabbed the first pair I saw that would fit my tiny size six Pygmy feet and I took them to the counter.

I waited behind two teeny boppers oohing and ahhing all over key rings at the register and I restrained myself from kicking them in the back of the knee and yelling
"How bout you wait till your old enough to own keys for Anything and Fug Dug!!!"
but because I am a restrained and consequently ... Slightly resentful person, I didn't.

I waited my fricken turn and when it came I flopped the squishy gooey rubber foot savers on the counter, the check out girl tippy tapped my purchase into the computer and asked if I required a bag, I could take it no more.

"No, Thank you, I don't want anything other than my purchase, my feet are killing me, I am currently trying to discreetly take my weight of them with your abnormally large counter, I just want them now...."

The cashier gave me a knowing nod and went to work taking off those annoying plastic ties, you know the ones, you always think you can break it with your hand and it is always far more difficult and painful than you anticipated?

Tags off, the brilliant cashier walked my purchase over to a nearby seat and brought a bag for my other shoes.

When the moment finally came I peeled off my boot, my feet came out looking a little bit like this

I inserted them into the foamy rubber and I floated my way back over to the register, the cashier looked at me and smiled, "That will be $49.95 thanks"

So with that, I came home and promptly wrote this.

Dear Mr Haviana,

I like your thongs, they are really comfy, they have saved me on many occasion from blisters and bindi's, They allow me to indulge my inner bogan, but dude, They are Thongs.

I get that they come in funky colours and that you advertise your brand in shiny letters on the strap, they are a little bit special but dude..... they are still thongs.

I know that you know this Mr Haviana.

You have obviously put a lot of thought into your genius pricing strategy displaying your prices in tiny letters and numbers in a little funky yet confusing plaque adorning your colorful equally funky stand.

You do this because you know that if you hung a funky colorful tag with the price actually on it, then people would pick them up and say, Dude, they are thongs?!?

Pissed off, yet insanely comfortable,


For our American readers you will need to replace the word thongs for flip flops or this post will get mighty kinky pretty quick, -for our Bougue readers, you will have to replace the word thongs with Fongs It should all fall into place after that.

Anything to add?

Emma xx

Sunday Grumble at Madam Bipolar


Mrs Woog said...

I would have SPEWED

Photographer Mum said...

I like Haviana's too, but seriously $50??!! I would have gone barefoot...

Daisy, Roo and Two said...

OMG they are $49.95 now? Last season I bought a pair for $32.95 and wore them into the ground to get my money's worth. Also, I feel the store girl knew how much they were and waited until you were comfortable before telling you. THAT is good salesmanship.

Kellie said...

I only paid $35 for mine! And they've lasted me almost 3 years, so I like to think I got my moneys worth.
It's either that, or moan about the fact I spent $35 on fongs for me while my kid got a $2 pair from Woolies.

MummyK said...

HOLY FUCK! No way!!! Are the thongs made of gold?

Leah - Bogue Living said...

Jeepers!! I snatched up two pairs of ipanema at the end of last season for dirt cheap, this is my plan for fancy fongs forever LOL

Miss Pink said...

Fifty bucks!
Hooly dooly they must have jacked up the price A LOT since I got my last pair. I love my haviana's but won't be in a hurry to collect the rainbow if they're that much!

Mrs Catch said...

I'm for the last-season Ipanemas! Seriously, fifty bucks! However, I've been in your position too with the gnarly toes and sometimes, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Let's hope Mr Haviana listens to your delightful note.

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Zoe said...

Holy Crap! $49.95 for a pair of pluggers! Jeepers, lucky I am the biggest tight are out and suffice with Mambo kids thongs [also a pygmy size 6 foot] for $12 from Big W.

Madam Bipolar said...

That foot photo makes me want to barf.
Big W has thongs for $5. I know, I am a bitch pointing that out.
Maybe you can Ebay yours and get $30 back?

Peppermint Patty said...

Oh holy hell! I spent $30 on a pair of Teva flip flops/ thongs and it nearly killed me. Though I have made the same mistake, and would have paid any amount of money to stop the pain! Bless you and your throbbing feet.

Crystal Goulding said...

I am totally addicted to Havaianas and have four pairs!! love them!! So worth the $50 but I secretly think they are a rip off too!