Friday, February 10, 2012

Confessions of Giving up.

Day six.

The patches make me itchy, the Valium make me tired.

Everything is annoying me right now, especially the quit smoking ads.
Every time one comes on the television, it reminds me that I want a cigarette.
"every cigarette is doing you damage"
I'll do you some fricking damage.

I have been yelling. A lot.
At my children, the cats, cabbage, the dog, the TV, in my sleep...

I slam doors, and I busy myself with cleaning.
Whilst I clean, I announce at least eighteen times a day that I am not a fucking maid/waitress/slave to anyone who will listen.

My sense of smell is returning, and everything stinks.
I'm convinced that my house smells like seven distinctly different types of urine and can't for the life of me find the source of the stench.

I walk around with my nostrils flared sucking in the foul air to the point of hyperventilating, sometimes on my hands and knees sniffing carpet and the underneath of furniture.... then I collapse face down on my bed and scream EVERYTHING STINKS! IM NOT A FUCKING MAID! and I WANT A SMOKE!

I have even taken to venting my frustrations at the leader of our nation on twitter, Do you know I am yet to hear back from my Open letter to Julia Gillard regarding my sons thoughts on gay marriage.
He will be old enough to vote in five years..... Gasp pant gasp.

Dec six I posted The open letter, I don't expect to hear from Julia herself, but seeing as she has time to move Kruds seat, you'd think she would at least pass it onto one of her cronies or something.

Truth be told... I like Julia, I'm just a bitch, a tired cranky bitch that really desperately wants a smoke.

I hate being a bitch to my kids though... And I admit, I am.
I never noticed just how often I went outside for a cigarette, just to avoid the children's fighting and general carry on....

I am the loud cranky fun police, constantly... I tell them in my lucid moments that I am giving up smoking, and it makes me really cranky, ....but I guess they will just have to suck it up or move out, because really, I'm only doing it for them....(and yes, I actually said that)

Their high pitch voices grate on my inner ear hairs like nails on a chalk board, there fighting has me threatening boarding school.
I threw out all of their nerf bullets, complete with bin lid slamming and general incoherent ranting, because I was sick of picking them up, or hearing Oprah (the cat) bat them up and down the hallway at 3am.

Mother of the year, strikes again.

Don't even get me started on #cabbage.

On the upside. I am not as breathless, I have a little more energy and I have noticed a change in my purse already, which pleases me to no end.

My big test will be this weekend when I am going away with my favorite gals, half of which smoke....... Our girls weekend is an annual pilgrimage, the tradition is sacred, I can't miss it.

Any tips?
I plan on printing them, and taking them with me in an empty cigarette packet, so when the urge becomes unbearable, I will take one out and read it......

Far out..... Wish me luck.

Em xxxx

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Good Golly Miss Holly! said...


Alannah said...

I gave up smoking cold turkey many many years ago. It was also the day I went off the pill and as I personally don't believe in smoking and pregnancy, I think it may have made it easier. That baby is nearly 21 and I still dream about smoking, although I have never had one since.Tip: the money you save by not smoking while you are away could be well spent on a new pair of shoes; I am sure your friends will help you with shoe shopping. It will get easier. smiles

Miss Pink said...

That fucking #cabbage hey?!

I'm a non smoker so I can give you really annoying tips like "If other people can do it, you can to" or "Down with nicorette smelling hair!" and shit like that. You know you want the annoying one's to seethe at and maybe laugh at.
I suggest you put in pieces of chocolate or vouches for a McFlurry or some for some comfort food. Words aren't going to help you.
Tell your gal pal not to spark up around you, or invite you to spark up, or to even let you know they are having a fag. Better yet preach to them about how fucking awesome you are for quitting and make them jump on the bandwagon and then laugh when they turn into psycho bitches from the nicotine withdrawls. Yeah, torture always looks funnier when others are going through it.

River said...

Get a t-shirt with a no smoking logo on it. Then every time they light up you can say things like "Gosh I wish I'd realise years ago just how bad things smell when they've been smoke saturated". Maybe they'll quit too.

Sharon A. said...

..and this is why I'm too scared to try to quit smoking again. I want to, but I hate what it turns me into. Good luck, Emma, sadly I've got nothing helpful for you

Kelloggsville said...

I had a Nicolette inhalator as well as all the patches etc. I totally nicotine overdosed when I gave up. But the inhalator saved my in the 'everyone else is smoking' situation over and over because it is just like smoking. I've been given up 10 years now, could still start again but whenever the urge arises I think of all the differences in my non smoking life. In 12 months you'll know just what I mean. Giving up is hell, hardest thing ever. Why do it more than once?! Stick with it, it does get easier, I promise.

Mrs Woog said...

I am about to start again (quitting that is!) and reading your post makes me think how much life is better fag free!

marketingtomilk said...

put a "I chose to live" sticker on your forehead when you go out.
Giving up is the best thing you could ever have done. Don't look at your friends and think "oh they're so lucky, they can have a fag whenever they want one, look how delicious she is finding it", that is the addiction talking, instead think"look at that poor sad cow not being able to enjoy the night because she is thinking all the time about the next fag". Allow yourself to think words such as "poor cow", "pathetic", "slave", etc
You haven't lost anything, you have gained so much. not least telling that god awful dark shadow of guilt that looms every day to fuck off and giving it a right old kick up the bastard as it skulks out the door.
sorry - i'm not an anything nazi in real life, but for personal reasons i turn that way on occasion.
keep going!


Heather said...

I've got nothing for you. I was super proud when I finally quit but I have now regressed. I'm not a full on smoker but I'm a it's-ok-to-smoke-when-you're-really-drunk-smoker. I never smoke sober or during the day but I'm kind of a lush at night and on weekends so I'm still smoking a pack or two a month. I will tell you this though, if you survive a drunken girlfriend weekend and don't smoke you are pretty much super human in my book and I'll give you the official title of non-smoker along with a hearty cheers! I think you can DO IT!!

chethran said...

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Giving up Smoking