Thursday, February 9, 2012

Enabling the enabler.

Sometimes you have to give up things that are bad for you, even if deep down, you really don't want to.

Like smoking.

I'm currently day four of my giving up smoking. I want to smoke the crotch out of a low flying duck, or something to that effect, and I have, don't get me wrong, I've snuck a few, ( not the duck thing obviously) but a few is better than a pack.

I hate to smoke, I don't enjoy it and although giving up is hard, I know I can do it, because I hate it.

But what about giving up things you love that are bad for you?

What about people?

Perhaps a close friend, a partner, a lover, a work colleague, or relative?
Someone you love?

(and yes I know I have written a similar post before, but I've had a fricking lightbulb moment so hear me out.)

I am instinctually drawn to people that are bad for me, whether it be people who indulge too much in drugs, or alcohol.
Perhaps it is another mother who's parenting style makes me want to run and hug your own children?

Spoilt adults who must always get their own way, people who throw tantrums well into adult hood, people who will not take responsibility for their own actions or worse, have to blame others.

People who use emotional blackmail,

People who spit jealousy, and hate, Some one who will continuously let you Down, bring you down,
people who are dishonest, people who sell you out, people who will take and take, but never give.....

These people exist, everywhere. I'm certainly not perfect.
I'm also lucky enough not to know anyone who holds all of these personality traits in one vessel, and there in lies the problem.

No one is ever just an arse hole, they may be self centered, but a good listener, they may let you down but will never spill your secrets, and no ones perfect right?

In my recent silence, I had a bit of an epiphany when I asked myself why? What is it about these people that I attract and are attracted to me?

I also read another blog post from Where's my Glow? Then had a bit of a moment.
You should check it out.HERE

Yawl know by now, I don't do anything other than brutal honesty when it comes to myself here, and I will tell you what I surmised.......

I find it very easy to see the good in people, not a trait I wish to remove from myself but a skill I need to develop

I think everybody should have somebody, I can't stand the thought of anyone being alone, even if it's at my own expense. I can pick out one great thing about a person and ignore everything else, because there has to be someone who will right?

I'm an enabler, I enable people's ill deeds and short comings when I should clearly run a mile, not because nobody's perfect, but because perhaps there is something about me that I need enabled.

Perhaps if I stop surrounding myself with people who enable the things I hate about myself, I might not do them so much.

I might like myself a little more?

In further interest of my recent purgings I have made a decision to clear my social calendar of people that are bad for me, those who make me feel worse in for their presence.
Not because they are evil people, but because they are quite content in a place I don't ever want to be.

Not because they are bad, but bad for me.

A decision that has not come without flak, I admit, but something has changed.

I feel a huge weight lift, like a large cloud of dark energy left the building with Elvis, or a dissipating fart,.... the cliches are endless.

I found that I'm not as tense, I don't choose my words so carefully, I'm not worried about saying or doing the wrong thing, or making myself available at the expense of my family, and true friends to indulge the selfishness of others.

It's the people within my four walls I'm responsible for, my husband, my children, and myself.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it...... Mostly....and It feels good to react in a way that makes me want to be my friend.

If that makes me an arsehole, I'm OK with that.

Emma xx

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


kelley @ said...

You are not an arsehole.

It is called self preservation.


whatsinemmasbrain said...

Some one seriously needs to give you a talk show... Your my Oprah xx

Miss Pink said...

We're all assholes hun, so it doesn't really matter. Being an asshole for self preservation is ok, being an asshole for entertainment? Not so much. But it is fun.

Deb Robertson said...

Great post. Honest but real xxxx

Kirsty Ward said...

Aww, a sad post, but so real. Makes me want to write about the peeps in my life. Good on you.