Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I'm so mad right now, and a little angry.

Am I the only one who is irrationally pissed off with the recent tv ad for commonwealth Bank?

Dear Commonwealth bank AU,

I am writing in regard to your recent TVC advertising campaign, ( I made an ad once, can you tell? Its how I know all the TVC.)
I am writing in particular, about how your commercial made me feel.

Do you remember when you were a kid, and there was always that other kid.... The one your mum made you be nice to, because your mum did yoga with that kids mum, and then your mum would force you to invite them to your birthday party, even though the kid was a massive clown?

I knew a girl like that, her name was Virginia, which is a nice enough name I guess, but it unfortunately for Virginia, closely resembled the word Vagina, Which is a nightmare at primary school, however, The name suited Virginia very well, because she did smell a little musty, and was a bit of an appendage if you know what I mean.

My mum made me invite her to my birthday party, even though I hated her, and she spent the following fortnight rubbing it in my face that she was coming, and there was nothing I could do about it, then she threatened to knock my cake over, then Virginia put dirt in my bag and cut my elastics string in half.

I will never forget the feeling of injustice, being forced to invite her to eat cake with me, in my own house.

I bore you with this story of petty childhood torment because your TVC brought back these exact feelings of injustice and I felt compelled to tell you that You are not my friend.

Do you know what the most offensive thing about your ad is?
It's that it is for a bank... Which bank? Your bank...
See that? What I did right there? That is, by far, a better slogan.
I remember it to this day, even though I have not been a customer of yours since I was nine and you gave out those shitty tin money banks that looked like something from an East Enders set.

Remember those?

So, the other day I was watching TV...... Bondi Rescue I think... Or Law and Order.... I can't remember, It's not important. Your ad was intriguing enough... You told me you were one hundred... So I think... Ok you are elderly....

Then the music,...... if there were such a genre as classic memorial, I'm sure it would fit under that... I feel a little sad, I don't know why... Probably because you are so old......

So I continue to watch, your black and white footage and are reminded for some strange reason of War Hero's, returned servicemen, which in turn made me think of the RSL and then I had a craving for schnitzel.

Don't get me wrong... It wasn't the black and white thing I found so offensive ok?.....The one you did... With the dogs, and the boo Radleys apple tree vibe... That was did nothing for making me hate you any less, but I certainly didn't hate you any more..not like this last one you birthed....

What really.. Really...... just fecked me right off about your most recent centennial TVC was at the end of this black and white spiel, with you rambling on about how you have struggled along with the paupers for a hundred years.... for the greater good of mankind, our nation, moral society and puppies and kittens everywhere...........and I'm pumped right.... I'm ready to fang down to coles and by a lions badge or a legacy pen or something....then!
Then you stick a big commonwealth bank logo on the end...

Why does it leave me feeling like you just took a giant dump on the last post?

I sat there for a second, with the kind of vomit, only banks can induce sitting in the back of my mouth, and I said to myself.... I should have known.... Why did I not know?? It was right there the whole time!
Through out your whole shittly ad there was the chick with the bank teller hair do......

I'm so mad right now.

The point I'm trying to make, I guess, is that I hate your ad, And don't for one second, think that You are invited into our lives for any other reason than we are forced to invite you.

Yeah, you might have built a few schools or whatever, but you don't get to take ANY glory when you charge the fees interest you do.. It's like sponsoring an orphan and then demanding twice the original sponsorship money back when they finally graduate from medical school.

It's just fucked.

Yours sincerely,

Emma S Brain.
(and no it's not my real name... But feel free to google it.. All one word, and the next time you are in bed with Julia Gillard and you are done, can you please tell her that I am still awaiting a reply to my last letter. ......Also I am looking for BlogHer sponsors... So, if you wouldn't mind spreading the word at your cashed up monopoly man parties.. That would be fab-o.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Kate said...

hahahaha, good post Emma :D

River said...

This is the line that annoyed me "...struggled along with the paupers for a hundred years..."

pfft!! With the profits ALL banks make, I really don't think there's much struggling going on.
I'll bet none of those board members are having to decide between heating or eating each winter, nor are they spending summers camped out on benches in shopping malls to take advantage of the airconditioning that they can't afford at home.

whatsinemmasbrain said...

Amen! Exactly. just makes me so stabby! X

Natalie said...

Fabulous, every word x

Kristy said...

Fuck the banks. Fuck em all!