Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Where the crap have you been all my life?

Its momentous. I swore I would not write this post, and yet I did.

Blogging is blogging until it feels like a chore. Everything I do on my blog takes Farkteen times longer than needed, because I set everything up when I knew 5/8 ths of nothing about nothing about blogging.

Now I know a little bit about something, I can see a far more efficient way of doing things.

Investing the time needed to make my blog a priority was an impossible task given the state of my technical affairs, so a blog hiatus was called, in order to really get my shit into gear, and I stuck it out.

I initially had a minor nervous break down, when my emails dwindled, then comments, then stats, and people stopped tweeting me!......
gasp pant gasp!

Then I took a deep breath and a fucking Xanax, and I heard it....... Silence.
I managed to untie the knot in my guts that came from unanswered PR, and missed opportunity, and I did this by not opening my emails, therefore, pretending they weren't there, because I'm really mature like that, then I had a minor foot stomping "it's my fucking blog" meltdown and promptly forgot all about it.

I resisted the urge to write a post about the wiggle .fucking .gate or Dildos and vulvas to boost my Beaten Alexa And google search rank and am grateful for my strong will as Klout cant find me influential in the field of Vaginas now.Oooooooh how I wanted to!

Suddenly when I didn't have to worry about segueing my posts between Ads for cheese, and I forgot about the swear police, the grammar police, the humor police, the link police, or what everyone else had already written about, what was I going to write about. suddenly .... I had a million blog posts.

when I took a step back, I got a little less paranoid, a little wiser to the shitter side of blogging, a little more funny, a little more honest with myself , like it or not, I learned to say no, I set up my site to have it the way I want it, and I became a hell of a lot more relaxed.

So here I am, many posts in advance, and I will do my best to catch you up the quickest way I know how, bullet style and in no particular order.

* I turned thirty

* Speaking of which, it had nothing to do with my meltdown, clearly, and thank you for your kind birthday wishes!

*I got wise, boy did I get wise, I'm so fucking doctor Phil on myself right now.

*I have loads of people to thank for their awesome Chrissy pressies, (yes I have been gone that long ) and will do so as soon as I reply to all those before mentioned PR emails..... And preferably in a post containing no reference to Xanax, ......and at least 8 less Fuck swears.

*I am making a few changes around here including, (and this may be of interest to fellow bloggers) A give away tab, (clearly defining the boundary between sponsored post and
give away)

*I was involved in a few side projects I really have no business being involved in but loved every minute, (will fill you in ) and it contributed to my new car fund, because I desperately need one.

*my current means of transport,Valerie, is alternating between being a piece of shit and pieces of shit on the mechanic floor.

*My first born started highschool.

* I read, stacks of books

*spam hit an all time low with emotional manipulative malware, spreading rumors about everyone saying Nasty things about everyone and all their Shiz. SPAM I TELL YOU!

* I discovered I have no business rapping

* Something was seen dripping down Christina's leg.

That's about it.

It feels good to be back.

Emma Xx



kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

I have been checking in and wondering why you were so quiet. Thought you were maybe on an all expenses paid blogging junket.


Now you have had the ephipany, turn off your stats. Truly. Sure you will miss out on EVERYTHING cause you don't have a media kit but you will blog when you want to and not when you don't.

It is awesome. It is like blogging in the olden days.


Mishaps and Mayhem of a Gluten Free Life said...

Love ur new design n ur honesty! Sometimes we just need to step back n make sure we are doing things for the right reason! I too had an apathany around my 30th, I want more from my blog, I want to change the design, add more things etc! I need a bit of help, will have 2 call in conputer savvy friends as my blog isn't working! Ive started writing articles through source bottle n it feels good! I feel like I've finally found my place to hang out, no longer a walk flower! N miss Emma I havd u to thank for thus, ur encouragement was what gave me the guts to start my blog! And I'm so proud if it! I can't thankyou enough! Never loose faith in yourself, you are a beutiful, clever, caring, supportive, funny person. Never doubt yourself again and remember it's always ok to have time out when you need it!

Miss Mandy said...

I love this post, you've said what a million bloggers are feeling. the whole stat thing overwhelms me a little. it's there but I don't bother analysing it or I'd realise how stupid I actually am. I was nodding all the way.

River said...

welcome home!
wait, that's not right...
welcome back!
yep...that's better.