Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Are girls expected to be overachievers? Giant Crap Sandwich.

Ms three is coincidently, three years old. Three years and four months to be exact.

She is still in nappies, both night and day, much to the disgust of everyone it seems but me.

We have made a little head way in this department, in that she requests to put on undies occasionally, so I of course jumped on this like train in Bangladesh, I took hold firmly with both hands and prepared myself for the ride.

We took a special mother daughter shopping trip to buy the tiniest little undies I have ever seen.

We arrived home with various nickers in assorted shades of pink, with My little pony's and Dora emblems on the front.

Sometimes she insists on wearing them and some days he does not even want them in her direct line of sight. You get that it's toddlers.

Recently we have had a few days, that we have gotten as far as her peeing in an old plastic tub in the shower, the toilet is not for her apparently, there was no luck with the pretty toilet insert with yellow ducks on it, and her actual potty, it seems, belongs to baby alive.

A fancy potty, that makes sounds and sings little tinkle songs gifted from a friend who's children no longer used it, with a musical toilet roll, is used as a lidded vestibule to put various small toys in, and to then delight in the electronic nursery rhymes that come with dropping a deposit in.

It is a constant fight, some days she will, some days she won't.

I am not willing to partake in any sort off stand off with a three year old, red headed scorpio, and quite frankly I am third child in, I know enough, to be assured that she won't be going to school in nappies.

I have navigated this track before, twice in fact, and believe it or not, successfully.

I'm quietly confident in my relaxed approach.

It seems though, that not everyone is as relaxed and self assured as I am.

Both of my boys were beginning to make great leaps in the toilet training departments by three, however none of them were completely toilet trained at this age.
The profound difference between them however, is in the reactions of others.

"Boys are slow to toilet train", I would hear, "don't worry too much about it" "it will happen when they are ready"

I was never worried about it, as I am not worried about Ms Three.

What annoys me though, is that It seems that it was perfectly acceptable for the male of our species to lag behind so called social norms, (fuck I hate that word) but merely suggest that a girl the same age is not toilet trained and you hear an abundance of furrowed brows, offering advice and reference studies in the form of everyone else's daughter stories.

"All my girls were toilet trained by the age of two", 'girls are usually "easier"' "it usually clicks with them a little more "easily"'

I even had one rather deluded mother suggest to me that technically it should be "easier" for girls as they only had to learn to sit, boys were more complicated, as they had to distinguish between standing an sitting.

This my friends, is why I no longer partake in small talk at the school gate.

All children are different, but it really effs me fight off that girls as young as three are expected to know better, for no other reason than they are girls.

That it is far more socially acceptable for a boy to be in night nappies or perhaps show as little interest in toileting as my daughter, than it is for her.

Is the pressure for girls to be perfect starting with at what age they piss correctly?

This is has been my experience, and I am in no way saying that it is one sided, there are just as many deluded gender based rubbish expected of boys as there is for girls.

Where the hell to we get off thrusting our gender based expectations on children who are content to be children?

So for the giant Crap Sandwich on my Wednesday, I am flipping the largest Bird I can flip to unwanted gender advice mongers.

Mind your own fricking business, and stay he hell away from my kid.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Miss Pink said...

Oh fuck OFF. I cannot stand people who say "boys toilet train later because it's harder" and shit like girls are supposed to do this faster.
How about each child is different and gender certainly doesn't determine if they will toilet train at 2.5 or walk at 10 months old.

Funny thing about the idiot that told you boys need to learn the difference between sitting and standing? Both my boys were toilet trained to sit. Day dot, they have sat for either. Bluey just started standing on his own one day, and Greenie only stands when he's "watering" a tree.

I think it's none of anyone's buisness when your child does what. If you're not concerned then why should anyone else be? Us mum's, we have good gut instincts when it comes to our kids. Instincts that will kick in hard if we have reason to be worried.

Anonymous said...

Emma.... I love it!! Can't stand peoples advice these days. Especially when it comes from a woman without a child. She has a right to an opinion though, because her best friends, boyfriends, sister has a 3 year old that is currently toilet training, and by the way, she was sleeping through at 4 weeks and can also fry herself a fresh egg each moring for breakfast too!!!

AmyQ said...

Ugh, nothing worse than unwarranted advice. My advice to them? EVERY KID IS DIFFERENT so mind your own!

River said...

You're right, she won't start school in nappies. she'll get it when she gets it.

annie said...

Oh how I loved this post. I have been ranting against the stereotypes since I had my two girls (now 5 and 7) and people are just desperate to hold on to them. How dare I have given them toy cars and how could I possibly state that miss 5 loves playing with cars (it's on her top 3 list of toys).
I'm convinced sometimes people just want me to shut up and do what everyone else is doing just because it makes them feel more comfortable.
Read a great book called 'no more nice girl' that talks about how society pressures young women to be a particular way and is a great challenge to that thinking. I hope I raise wonderful children who do good things in our world, the rest is just crap.

Kel said...

Last time I checked, kids were not born with a manual that states when they will and won't be toilet trained. Holy shit, if we had a manual, do people honestly think parenting would be such an arse, some days!? Toilet training is like anything - they'll do it when they do it. We didn't have a 'schedule' for Miss 3 - we were guided by her. And I'll be doing it like that the next time around, too.

Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures said...

Master S has only just mastered the whizz on the loo at 3. Miss E is 19 months old and people are advising me to encourage toilet training. I agree, when she shows interest occasionally, I sit her on the toilet, or she'll sit on the potty, but really, I'd rather be getting her brother to poo on the can than pushing her to start doing something she only occasionally shows interest in.
I'm glad to see I'm not a bad person for being content with wiping one kid's arse at a time! Hahaha.
Love this post!