Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The City Rail Limo.

I rode the city rail limo to Circular Quay yesterday, from my home town, that involves both country and city services, and I believe that every venture made on NSW public transport system, deserves its own blog post.

The beginning of my journey was fairly uneventful, except for the fact that the air con was blasting out icy and frigid air at 100k's an hour in my general direction, and I was really grateful that I wore a padded bra.
I know that A LOT of people from the Southern highlands wear tweed jackets with tartan scarves all year round, and I'd probably like to make fun of them too, but that was just ridiculous.

When I caught my connecting city service train, I had the fortune of spending an unnecessarily large amount of time at Campbelltown Station.
For those of you who do not know Campbeltown station, it's quite a delight. In fact,
if I didn't feel as though I may eventually end up face down a field somewhere, then I could people watch there all day.

We sat on the train at Campbelltown for quite some time.
The doors announcing imminent departure with, "Please stand clear, doors closing." ......Only the doors wouldn't close, so the train kept repeating "Please stand clear doors closing", willing the doors to obey, only they wouldn't listen!
After about ten minutes of this the engine stopped, and shortly after, a man clad in city rail uniform stomped red face down the carriage, and let me tell you... "Sir Topham Hat" he was not.

He let fly to another man in matching uniform, with a barrage of "How the Fark do you get the farking emergency door to stop farking blinking at me"
Now that my friends, was not the chuggington experience that Ms Gladys had envisioned.

As I still felt safer on the clearly faulty train than I did on the station, I waited it out and before too long, I made the rest of my uneventful trip to Circular Quay.

Now, I was running a little late for my returning train as the Norton Event I attended was delightful. This can hardly be blamed on city rail, so much as it was clearly Nortons Fault, for providing me with such an engaging event in such spectacular company, however I managed to get back to Central Station with 38seconds to spare to be able to catch the ONLY country train to provide a straight through service, thus avoiding another change at Campbelltown.

The bastard was on time for the first time in history, so I of course missed it,
however I relished in my opportunity to read a book, tarnished only by the ambience of the man who sat next to me, he managed to make a whistling noise EVERYTIME he breathed out of his nose and he smelt of prawn chips.

Breathe through your gosh darned mouth
- Ned Flanders.

I changed at Campbelltown, and by this stage I was tired, my feet hurt and I could smell PrawnChip Mc Whistle nose everywhere because City rail must have got my earlier tweet about it being colder than a witches nipple, and cut of the air con, so I was far too irritated to be concerned about my safety.
By this time I would have welcomed an attack, as a chance to hit someone in the head with my hand bag would have been momentarily satisfying.

Nothing more of note happened, and I safely made it home.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Kel said...

Bahahahaha - PrawnChip Mc Whistle - PMSL!!

Zoe Paige said...

Hahaha hilarious! I'm getting a similar feeling as I wait in my doctors surgery. There's a dude here with jeans and pictures of tupac stuck onto jeans. No joke.

Miss Pink said...

Ahh good ol' Scrambletown. It's great for a visit just when you think your own town has turned to shit, you will leave feeling pretty smug.
I love the intermittent drug dogs, and watching people clearly freak out and start walking away on a route to avoid them. Even if I do freak out myself, even though I know I'm not carrying any drugs, but shit, I am delicious stuff, maybe the dogs want to eat me?

I am not looking forward to my train ride next week. Trains are so bloody boring, and seem to go so freaking slow.

Madam Bipolar said...

Great to see you yesterday. xx

Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures said...

I love you and how much you make me laugh.
Which is a lot.
PrawnChip McWhistle could be a potential name for my unborn daughter now! HAHAHA x

Sharon A. said...

LMAO! I agree with you that any trip on NSW trains would make brilliant blog fodder. Can SO relate to when you said you'd have welcomed an attack! LOL. I thought I was the only person who got that pissed off on cityrail transport that I would've loved an excuse to unleash upon someone. But alas, they never do. They catch your 'I will fuck you UP!' look from a mile away.

River said...

Smelling of prawn chips doesn't seem so bad...much better than years-of-smokes infused clothes that are also piddle stained.
And the train that's on time the one time you're running three seconds late? That's one of the most annoying things on earth.

Veggie Mama said...

I'm exhausted after reading that.