Monday, March 26, 2012

I worry... Not about looking like a creep apparently, but everything else.

This page has seen a bit of an update, I have new Contact and About pages, did you see them?
Occasionally my blog pulls the rug out from underneath me, I sit back and stare in awe of it, and I feel like it needs to be better, or that it is somehow undeserving and everyone will find out sooner or later.

I have been filled with that nervous energy since I was nominated for Sydney Writers best blogs 2012, and again when I saw that Tara Moss was also nominated.
It has worsened, as this week also starts the countdown to DPCON2012.

This is an annual blogging Mecca, and this year, I will be speaking. Did you see my button? Ooooh lala.
Now there are several hundred people who will know that my voice is just as annoying in real life as it is in the Ambi Pur ad.

I fly out Thursday.

It drums up the usual nerves, and I have already begun packing, discussing my packing on twitter, repacking, dreaming of packing then being late for my flight and other things that arise from excited nervous energy.
Truth is though, that I can not wait.

It also sees the good old mother guilts arise and anxiety.
They creep out of nowhere, just knowing I will be leaving my offspring for any length of time, I grit my teeth unknowingly making them ache.

I worry about everything and anything that could happen in my absence.
I worry about the flight and I recall every episode of air crash investigation ever made.
I worry whenever my children travel in the car with anyone but me.
I worry that my children will miss me.
I worry that people will believe the hyped up nonsense written about me on the Internet.
I worry that my children will one day read the hyped up nonsense written about me on the Internet.
I worry about my kids choking on foods they are not used to, and allergies.
I worry my children won't miss me.
I worry about roads and strangers.
I worry about aggressive dogs.WTF
I worry about spelling mistakes and the fact that it is glaringly obvious I did not finish high school.
I find myself second guessing myself when I punish my children for very reasonable things.. Because I shouldn't yell at them if I am going away.
I watch my children sleep as though it might be the last time I do, because I am a creep.

These are all ridiculous and unfounded fears I know, but I can't help it.

I also know that I will worry about it until I am landed at Melbourne, where my guilt and anxiety will be momentarily hidden by excitement and busy, making a brief appearance at night, before making a firm comeback on the flight home.

When I am landed and back in my own bed, with my children sleeping soundly as and where they should be then the anxiety leaves and I curse myself for being so ridiculous.

I fear it will always be so.

Let the week begin....


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Anonymous said...

Don't worry be happy.......

Daisy, Roo and Two said...

All those mother guilts sound familiar! Especially the one where I try not to yell at my kids before I go away. However, I am SO looking forward to meeting you!

whatsinemmasbrain said...

I can't wait either! Bring on Thursday I say!

katepickle said...

It's freakin ridiculous... but I am right there with you. If only worrying was an Olympic sport... or maybe not because then I'd worry about how good I am at worrying...

whatsinemmasbrain said...

I would too. I would worry that I am not worrying enough.

Good Golly Miss Holly! said...

Go and have fun, you giant vagina! You will get home afterwards, the kids will fight within 5 mins and you will find yourself wondering why you felt guilty in the first place! x

whatsinemmasbrain said...

Yes, the fighting will soon bring me back... Oh! And you are the second person today to call me a vagina, I'm starting to get all musty and shit. X

Makikowachi said...

Best of luck and yes we all get the guilts. So unfair! Don't worry about the hyped up nonsense - obviously it is just that.

Madam Bipolar said...

My child actually clapped when I said I was going to Melbourne. I worry about getting hit by a tram. I worry about ironing my freaking dress because DH does that in our house. I worry about the taxi turning up. I worry that I am going to be a crap moderator and speaker. And my biggest worry is sharing a bed with Mrs Woog after a few vinos because she snores.
Bring it on.

whatsinemmasbrain said...

Thanks, you are a gem x

Miss Pink said...

Emma, do not worry, just trust that your awesomeness oozes out and we all see it. We do.

You're speaking? OMG this I did not know!
I am looking forward to drinks with you and Mr Emmasbrain. Don't forget you owe me an inaapropriate dance. Gotta fly the flanelette high!

My Mummy Daze said...

My Miss E is upset that I'm going on a plane without her. I'm worried that her dad will be feeding her and her brothers baked beans on toast every night that I'm away - and every breakfast and lunch for that matter. But I know that I'll be too excited and buzzing about around awesome women to dwell on it too much!

Sharon @ Funken Wagnel said...

I have nothing for you, I'm afraid. I don't worry about all the same things as you do, but probably the same quantity. And then I worry about what it all means that I worry so much.

Donna said...

I'm a worrier as well but figure these child free chances dont come along too often so I am going to have the make the most of every little minute. We are bound to miss them more than they will miss us, I'm sure!