Tuesday, March 6, 2012

If the Internet were to die tomorrow....

I was Internet less for two days.

I remember a time when I was Internetless, back before it was invented, or at least, readily available in homes to those not involved in Sputnik.

yeah, they were great, but I also spent a hell of a lot of time doing sucky things that now, thanks to the Internet, I no longer have to do, like.....

Visiting the bank.

I hate everything about the Bank, which Bank? All banks.
Our local bank relocated to across the road, because that's what we do in the Dilly.

Their new carpet, although cleaner, Is the same shitty shade of bank navy, only now it smells like stale marijuana and wet cat. I kid you not, Perhaps it's made of hemp? Perhaps 148 billion dollars profit a year is not enough?
Either way it freaking stinks and I hate it.

Grocery shopping.

I usually shop online, fortnightly, and only visit the shop to top up on perishables or op shop.
I do the rest of it online.

The post office.

Nobody likes the post office OK? Even people who work in the post office hate the post office.
You can tell by there constant not so fucking cheery demeanor.
It's initials are not P.O for nothing.

I also found there were other pit falls of being Internetless

@ 3G Don't.Start.me.

@ Guitar tabs are not readily available

@ There is nobody to read my witty one liners... They sit in my brain unappreciated like tiny little golden brain turds.

@ No Music downloads, I hear a song I like I want it now damn it.

@ The mental strain of calculating just how many emails were going to accumulate.

@ The lack of blog reading

@ Having to rely on the news to know if Armageddon has begun.

@ Not being able to remove my trading post ad in a timely fashion. It took every ounce of my strength not to answer the phone with SOLD FUCKBAG.

@ Relying on the phone to communicate, on hold music sucks sack.

@ Lack of Google.... How the hell did I find things I needed before google? No....I don't know where the fucking phone book is, who uses the phone book any more? Do they even still make phone books? I couldn't even google it to find out!

@ Delayed twitter stream... Bravo 3G, Bravo. I gave up.

@ Having to actually do things to keep my brain stimulated that involved actually doing things.

I have to stop... My Internet is back on.
If the Internet were to disappear tomorrow, what would you miss the most?

Emma x

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Miss Pink said...

The google and phone book thing. I was just musing to Mr Black the other day "In my day we didn't google stuff we had to go and search snippits of different encyclopedia's and turn 2 or 3 paragraphs into a mother fucking essay!"
He looked at me the way a beauty school drop out from the ghetto does as if to say "An encyclopedia? So those things actually exist?"

Also 2 weeks ago I walked outside to tell him off about something and saw a phone book in our shed. I was all "OMG a phone book?! I didn't know we had one of these?" And he was all "Yeah...I've been using it to light the fire" Well fuck. Too bad if I needed someone's phone number or something and Y2K decided to hit just at that moment. Sheesh. #ThingsYouWillNeverUseButStillWant

Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures said...

I think I just wee'd a bit.
Golden Brain Turds.!?

I hate the post office too, but only you can describe the hatred to a tee. I want to walk in there and photograph the staff's faces just to prove you right.

P.S. When typing prove, autocorrect tried to change it to probe. Laughing + Autocorrect = you being probed right!

Donna said...

God I love your P. O comment - they are royally so at my local... I google everything, would have to rock back & forth in denial without it. Though that being said, I used to think I was shit hot owning a set of encyclopedia's as a kid (sad, I know!)

River said...

What I'd miss the most is the online services like banking and reporting my income to Centrelink. I would absolutely HATE having to go back to standing in line at either one of those places!!
I would also miss the blogs of all my friends. I have several of their addresses, so I could probably write letters instead.....it just wouldn't be the same though, because the comment section would be missing.

River said...

Oh! Bpay!! I love Bpay! I'd miss that for sure!