Monday, April 30, 2012

Monday, Everyone hates Monday.




I have been in my current position here in the house for going on fourteen years. The eldest of my children is thirteen, the youngest is three.
Some days, like today, I feel as though I'm stuck in a job I hate, that I have been in far too long, and I can not leave.

I am a stay at home mum, that's my job and my current position, although extremely important, is mundane, unappreciated and unstimulating.

I should feel lucky and grateful, there are plenty of parents who would chew their own eye out if it meant that they did not have wave good bye to their precious little people every work day.
I don't know how I would be if I had no choice, after all, I have become ridiculously attached to the people I work with, I love my children.

Much like any job however, the uninspired routine of all the necessary sundries it takes for any family to run efficiently have become mind numbingly banal. I look on these tasks with resentment and contempt.

All of the activities that fill your mind when you think of stay at home parenting are lost in the day to day grind just to keep things functioning.

I want to paint with my children, I want to make forts out of bed sheets.
I have lost count of just how many times I have said "no matey, no painting right now, let's go out side and you can learn about colours while you hand me with the pegs"

I could paint you know, I should paint, but thought of the extra work load it creates makes me look at this activity with dread and the mother I want to be screams,

"STUFF THE WASHING!!!" LET'S COVER THOSE TINY HANDS IN PAINT WHILE THEY ARE STILL TINY!!!"

The employee in me says in a much more rational tone;
" I only just got the paint off the floor from the last time we painted two months ago, and I haven't knocked off to bed before midnight this week, I can not do any more overtime, learning colour through peg passing is much more fiscally responsible"

I resent my place in the house a lot less when things are running relatively efficiently, this economy is lost in activities like painting and sheet forts, and more frequently of late, my need to keep these tasks to a minimum for my own sanity wins out over any best intentions.

The older my children get, the more acerbity I feel about the people within my team family, not pulling their weight.

That's because they are not.

These thoughts an feelings fill my memory and take the places of all the ones I want to create with my family, it serves no purpose other than to feed my parental guilt.

Parental guilt likes to remind me that I'm doing a crappy job.

Today, I'd like to remind parental guilt to f@#* off.

I'm doing the best I can, with the resources, staff and budget available to me.

That's all I'm thinking right now.



Emma.






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

4 comments:

Bin said...

Yaaaaay!!!! Well said. That's exactly how I feel lately. After almost 14 years of wiping noses and bums and I've been left feeling resentment towards trips to the park and craft projects and what not. But then yes, the guilt sets in...

River said...

Ummm, let's see.....try to keep the messy activities to outside the house, dress them in their grungiest clothes and set up the painting out on the grass or on the plastic outdoor table, hose it off when they're finished and just hang the paint spattered grungy clothes to dry, don't bother with washing them.
Learning colours through peg handing is excellent, I did it myself, also use sock matching, pencil/pen choice, (hand me the orange pencil), toy clearing, (put away everything that is blue), etc.

Get the kids involved in the housework, (forget perfection), they'll learn valuable lessons and you'll get time off. Even a three year old can dry plastic plates, spoons and cups, maybe not perfectly, but he's helping you and not making a mess somewhere else. Don't make the helping out to be chores though. Everyone hates those. Make it more fun. Come and help me finish this so we can *activity* sooner.

Madam Bipolar said...

Damn I lost my comment! Just wanted to say you run your own mini media empire too.

Anonymous said...

Dear Daugher of a Hippy...... When you look back on your childhood WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER,..... the tidy house, the well organised parents with their pants up to their armpit, long walk sock and sandals...... or a world where you could explore, experence, make a mess if you needed to... all sorts of things, not all of them needed parental supervison or support 'thank god'..... LETS LIVE & EXPERIENCE in this world that is ours..... Love Your Mum XXXX

PS. any help provided in cleaning up the mess in the house at thirlmere (before I turn it into a haven for stressed city dwellers) and ... that has been created by myself in the pursuit of creativity etc.. would be great;y appreciated...... MUM XXXX