Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The one when I am not pretending to be angry because it's funny... This time I am actually angry.

(If you are reading this in my voice, you need to set the tone to drama queen)

I am finding the bloggosphere terribly disheartening at the moment.

Why is it that we all stand around saying that bloggers should be getting paid, that we should be more valued and then when someone starts to pave the way to really make something great from their blog we tear them down as fast as we can?

It seems that we all want blogs to succeed, to be popular and to be appreciated for their worth....
So long as they are no more successful than my blog
Or they have been around for the longest, or only if they do PR that is appealing to me, and that they are paid enough.

Why is it that we can celebrate blogs with such fan fare and support, and a great sense of community... To a point?

Together, our community of mum bloggers (as much as those words burn my tongue like regurgitated stomach acid) are a force never seen before. We are remarkably intelligent, abundantly funny, unbelievably supportive of each other, we have plenty to say and we do!

We have rebuilt our village, finding other like minded parents, and life long friends, no longer are our support networks bound by geographical convenience and whomever happened to birth their young at approximately the same time.

(Thank sweet eff for that!... I live in the geographical convenience of Redneck Central.. If I had to attend our local play group I would have chewed my own eye out)

We have all known our worth for a long time, we saw it in each other, we have been buoyed, comforted and occasionally grounded by our amazing community.
A group of parents, wonderfully different, with so much to offer.
so why now that our worth is being recognised are we all scrambling to first, to be bigger? and there fore...more worthy?

Blogs are very much a reflection of the writers personality, how the hell did it get so competitive? Are we in the midst of a personality competition?!?
I can tell you now that There are no winners in that game.

I can not tell you the difference some of the comments left on my blog from this beautiful community have made a difference to my life.
My whole life! The way I parent, the way I feel about myself, the way I conduct my day and my sense of self worth. You know who you are.

No small feat to buoy the self esteem of a high school drop out, teenage mother from the west.

You will never know the difference your words make to people reading them, even if they are something as simple as a comment.

Recently though, I have feel like I am connecting with a different community.

The comments on my blog have gone from being incredibly supportive and grounding, putting a spring in my step and a smile on my face to these.

I am under no illusion that this kind of thing is not par for the course... I mean, You get them when you plaster your life on something as public and as permanent as the Internet.

Only these did not come from bored 15 year olds... When it would be slightly comical.

Thanks to the marvelous Permanence that is the Internet, I managed to trace these back to two people in our community, sadly, one a fellow blogger and another a twitter community member and friend of the blogger (note, probably best not to enter my give away then come back later to troll my site)

Sometimes as many as four a day.

What the hell happened?

I know this for sure, I will not be driven away, I will no longer open my inbox and close it with a feeling of there being no point.. I wont let the nastiness of a few ruin something that quite possibly saved me. (pause for dramtic effect)

I will continue to support my blogging community,
I will not embark on a nasty tirade the minute someone posts something with an opinion that differs from mine,
I will not take the personal writings shared by someone else out of context and form a lynch mob,
I will not engage in slanderous bullying, linking to other sites and naming people and spreading bullshit.
I will not tear others down.

I will also no longer hover over the publish button, deciding weather or not I should hit publish... (OK Thats a huge lie, because I did for ages on this one)

I'm running my own race, loving my community, and I will write regardless if I have 1 reader or 1000000 and I will take the opportunities that come my way.
For me, like the olden days.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Carli (Tiny Savages) said...

I'm glad you hit publish. I would rather sit and have a cup of tea with Joffrey from Game of Thrones than an anonymous troll x

Laura said...

You have just said what many are thinking! Well done. We didn't create this amazing community to tear it down! Relish in your achievements.

edenland said...

Wow Emma.

I really hope the nasty comments stop, now. So, so not cool.

Good on you for writing this post. XXXX

•´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Trish.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´• said...

A fellow blogger , that is worse than uncool ...disgusting. Emma you are a kind hearted supportive blogger don't let anyone bring you down. I am disappointed too to see what has been happening lately , there is plenty enough space for us all to run own race.

Miss Pink said...

Oh wow Emma. I am glad you've published this and hopefully it will get them to back off!
I don't get the nasty comments thing. I really don't. I don't get why people do it, why they just don't stop reading that blog if it's got them feeling so angry or mean.
I whinge a lot on my blog. It's my place and I will use it however the fuck I like!
I also love good ranty blogs, because I am so turned off by the "perfect life" bloggers. We're all human, life isn't fucking roses and sunshine all of the time, and if you act like it is I will become annoyed by your superiority, but mostly just jealous because I can't pretend there is good even in a shitstorm.

Keep on blogging how you are <3

Melissa said...

You know what pisses me off? Not just those kind of comments. But the feeling we can't just name names. I don't want to be associated with whomever left a comment like that on your blog. I want to know who it was so that I stay very far away from their blog. So that there is a freaking consequence to acting this way. So that your OWN name is slurred if you troll people and your own brand is damaged.

I dont' care about numbers. I don't look. I don't care about brands and monetising, I currently don't do it. BUT. I care, very very much about the character of the people that I read. I want to know which one is a wolf in sheep's clothing. I want to know who I shouldn't go near with a ten foot pole. I want us to stop being so scared to actually say THIS PERSON left this comment and I for one have learned - don't engage with HER anymore.

It's not an indictment of you. I just see these posts and they irritate me because by sheltering them, by not being 'petty' (I don't think it's petty) and naming names, we give them somewhere to hide.

Mrs Woog said...

WOW! If I got those type of comments I would.....

delete them and go and make a gin and tonic.

You nailed it again Em. All power to you xx

Fox in the City said...

Firstly, apparently this person was never taught the whole "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" lesson.

Secondly, write your truth, be authentic and realize that those comments have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Hugs to you my dear Emma!

Catherine Rodie Blagg said...

I'm new to the blogging world, and happily I haven't come across the negativity you have described (probably because my Mum is the only person who actually reads my blogg). The 'Delete' button is a wonderful thing. To me it sounds like you are choosing to rise above it - which is absolutely the right thing to do. May your inbox be filled with love (oo-er, does that sound rude? it wasn't meant to) x

Debyl said...

I dont blog but I love to visit blogs I am led to by my Twitter friends.I love to read and comment if I feel I may have something to offer.
Lately there has been an astounding amount of negativity towards and about bloggers which I find very disheartening.On twitter I have only found support and kindness and perhaps naively assumed it would be the same on blogs.As for competition of numbers etc between bloggers,that is just a sad part if human nature.People will see through that eventually and only stick with bloggers they know are there openly,truthfully and true to their readers.
I believe we are Invited into Visit a persons Space.To introduce ourselves and have a chat.Do Not agree with this Anonymous Crap.Why would you bother to go visit someone you dont have anything in common with,then wear a Mask and then proceed to spit in their face.
Just last week I stood up for someone on their blog after they received a negative comment from an Anonymous and I got abused by the said anonymous in return.I felt like never commenting again as there is enough shit to deal with in my life but then I thought I would be letting THEM...the anons win.
We need to stick together.I dont know what the answer is.Maybe we all should just ignore them and not give them any limelight.I know I couldnt and had to reply to my anon.My lack of self restraint.I wish I knew the right way to be rid of them but I dont.
There is so much back stabbing and hurting in the real world we shouldnt have it in our cyber world.This should be our safe place where we all can share laughter and tears and be there for eachother.
I guess we just need to realise that if they do not have the courage to introduce themselves then they dont deserve our time.Let them make fools of themselves by other readers seeing their childish worthless words of hurt.
They have to live with themselves.My Dad who many moons ago was a senior lecturer at a uni always said,and I will never forget.... "it doesnt matter what work you do in life,what really matters is that when you look in the mirror you like the person staring back at you".
Emma you are a good person and dont ever let the negatives and anons out there ever make you doubt that,when you see the person in the mirror staring back at you.xx

Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures said...

I think the fact they are commenting anonymously shows great courage. I think the fact that they've actually had the nerve to enter your giveaway then abuse you anonymously, only so you can trace them shows great wit. I'm pretty sure I know their blog... It's 'Fucking Morons Are Us' isn't it? Hahaha
I think you're the coolest fuckstick on the Internet!

Seriously though, what is a fuckstick? :/

Cathy said...

Wow, I'm in shock! Ditto to everything everyone has written above.

katef said...

Agree, disagree, be competitive, be a wall flower, whinge, be all sweetness and light... be whatever you want, I can respect all those stances and many others even if it is not how I choose to be or blog, but put your name to it at the very least, otherwise it doesn't get any of my time, let alone respect.

Mumdeep said...

Some intelligent google person should come up with an auto response to trolls that says "Go take a flying fuck at the moon".

And, always hit publish hon, keep on hitting it ;-)

Fi said...

I just can't understand people who use their time to write nasty & hurtful messages.
Does it really make them feel good to insult another person (who they probably have never even met) and then go about their day?? It just makes me sad. Pathetic & cowardly high school behaviour and not even worth the time it takes you to delete their email hun xx

Chantel said...

Wow Emma! Can't believe people think they have the right to be so rude and nasty. The blogging community here is generally supportive and it saddens me that some people tarnish it with schoolyard jealousy. Good on you for publishing and calling them on it. Keep it real :-)

:perennial: said...

I don't get this. I hate the thought that while you are pondering whether to hit publish on your great blog some arsehole is merrily hitting publish on their vile comments. That just isn't okay.


MelC said...

Omg, I'm so glad I didnt see these comments when they were originally posted Emma. You keep your head held high sweetie. I've been following some of these blogs & the nastiness that has been flung at you for a while & quite frankly I find it a bit rich those comments coming from the blogger (assuming it's who I think it is) who writes the whiniest, most self absorbed, attention seeking train wreck of a blog I've ever read. It's obvious this is clearly a reflection on her insecurity about herself and the lack of popularity linked to both herself & her blog as I'm sure like myself, many many others would have stopped reading her pathetic, same woe is me story over & over plavaver a LONG time ago. I wouldnt delete them if I were you- leave them on hun, I'm sure there are plenty of people who would love to respond! Keep posting, I love reading your stuff it makes me laugh :)

Donna said...

Emma, I am so glad you hit publish on this - you summed it up perfectly! There is room enough for us all to make our own cosy little space in cyber space without the need to tear down anyone else's abode. If we all just concentrated on our own blogs, own stories and less about everyone else's we might just find some peace and personal success.

I'm also so horrified to read those comments - there is no excuse for coming into someone's sacred online space and saying such hurtful things. Would they do the same in the loungeroom of your home? Its the same thing...

Keep on blogging lovely x

marybelle said...

I want to say YOU GO GIRL!!! I know that sounds dumb, especially as I'm not a You Go girl type of person, but YOU GO GIRL!!

Madam Bipolar said...

Wow. I am so sorry this has happened to you. All my love. xxx

Cate said...

I live by the quote "don't fight with someone who doesn't deserve the honor of being your adversary".
People who leave nasty anonymous comments are pathetic cowards. People who put their name to nasty comments are just pathetic. Disagreeing with someone's viewpoint is a great way to encourage discussion but slander is vile.
Well done for pressing publish lovely xxx

Miss Cinders said...

I'm totally floored. Speechless too!
Obviously manners weren't taught in their house!

If you ever stopped blogging, a posse would be dispatched to find you and chain you to a computer.

Wanderlust said...

I think there should be a special place in hell reserved for people who conduct their nastiness anonymously. I hate it. I've seen it happen to so many and I've also seen people I know and respect turn around and do it to others. Why? The only time I allow someone to comment anonymously on my site is if they are sharing something deeply personal that they don't want their name attached to (as in sexual abuse). Otherwise, I delete them. Why give them that power? Take their power away. This is your space, your house. Don't let them set up camp.

River said...

You got this nastiness from a "friend"?
"White man speak with forked tongue"; in old western movies, that's what the Indians used to say when the white soldiers or settlers were lying to them about living peacefully together, then they'd drive them from their lands to a bleak reservation somewhere and take the good growing fields for themselves, or ruin the land mining for gold.

I'm also a little saddened by the agressive competitiveness displayed by some, but there isn't much I can do about thta, except avoid their blogs.

Being Me said...

Keep on writing, keep on being true to yourself. I had something happen recently (a post taken out of context and it developed into a "thing" all itself, offline) and had a huge very well-argued post to respond passive-aggressively to it.... Something held me back from hitting 'Publish' that time. And only that one time. It felt like I was stirring the pot with the spoon that detractor had handed me.

Sometimes I think it's wise to write and then not publish. But you are a writer of great intelligence and I applaud you for having such clarity in a post like this. I would've gone off over-emotionally :) And that's not really wise. Good on you, Emma. Know your own soul. The rest will take care of itself without you even trying xx

homeworkmum.com said...

Disrespectful, cowardly and just plain rude! I'm new to blogging, and was attracted to it by the supportive nature of the game. I'm so sorry for you that you have to read this garbage on your own space. Thanks for having the courage to write this Emma, more power to you!

Good Golly Miss Holly! said...

Pretty sure it's like written in the blogger bible that a sign of truly making it is having your very own troll. Everyone gets PR mailers but not everyone gets their very own troll so a big, fat EADC to your troll and the horse they rode in on. I'm still waiting for my very own troll. Humph. x

Maria Tedeschi said...

Holy cow! A fellow blogger. That's just not cool. I personally hate anonymous comments. You know what, say it and own it.

Emma, you know your worth; keep on blogging.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

Crash Test Mummy said...

I can't believe the nature of those comments Emma. It saddens me to think they have come from within the community. But as others have said, it's not a reflection on you. Keep hitting publish.

lyndaal said...

I'm not a mum (maybe yet,maybe ever) but forthe most part this community has embraced me in a way that no one in my life ever has... And one day I'll suck it up and meet some in real life! I can't pretend to understand why people make the choice to do what they do and knowingly inflict hurt, but I do hope that the comments left here tonight help your heart, and continue to carry you when it sucks. Keep standing x

Cat said...

Holy moly some people have too much time on their hands & a bitter & hateful spirit to boot. There's no excuse for such nastiness! None at all. I respect you all the more. And I'm with you on the blog for myself & no one else! You are fab Emma, truly x

Glowless @ Where's My Glow said...

I have never understood the troll comment. Does the person feel happy after they've posted it? It might seem dense but I simply do no get why someone who doesn't like you (the emphatic you, not YOU you) would bother wasting so much time reading and commenting when they could, you know, HAVE A LIFE!

Hating takes too much energy. It's boring.

Miss Holly said...

This gives me the sads and makes me mad. People who write such things must be very unhappy with their own lives to feel the need to be so hurtful to others.

Good Golly Miss Holly sent me here and I'm so glad she did!

Keep on hitting publish - I'm looking forward to getting to know your blog now I've found it and I'm sure (as GGMissH says) that your Trolls are just a sign that you've 'Made It!'

Miss H. xx

Denwise aka Denyse Whelan said...

Emma...dear Emma. Wanted to comment yesterday but iPad played up. Terrible stuff when people turn on you. Knew of stuff like this as a school principal. NOT happy. Hope you are ok now as I read your post about Mr Handyman come teenager! Denyse xx

Katrina Higham said...

People need to get a life. And hit the publish button because this is your blog and your space to write what you want. This is my first time to your blog, and just think, that I am yet another that will be coming back!