Friday, July 20, 2012

Doing it like a dude. Emma, on being a necessary wanker.




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I'm not talking about a lewd conduct, Fred Willard kind of wanker, poor dirty little bastard...or being an accidental wanker, for engaging in such activities as accidentally liking your own Facebook post, or inadvertently favoriting your own tweet.

I'm talking about being a necessary wanker for self promotion purposes.

This last fortnight has seen quite a few exciting things happen for my little blog, some I cannot talk about just yet, and others I have touched on ( not an Olympic Medalist per se ) and one in particular, involves a publicity circuit of radio interviews next week.

See how quickly one can become a wanker? I say things like publicity circuit now.. Try weaving that into conversation without sounding like a toff.

For all of these things I am amazingly grateful, they are all very necessary to the success of WIEB, of which spend a great deal of my time and effort, and all of these success's are hard earned....also they make me feel important.... I like to feel important....But they also all involve getting an email at some time asking for a Bio, sharing a little bit about yourself, your blog, your achievements and what you are all about, while you are at it, chuck in a profile picture, and there you have it! Your bio!

Easy right? Only it isn't!!!

Writing my bio makes me feel like a wanker for several reasons.

Firstly, it is necessary to speak of yourself in the third person when writing your bio, as though someone else is writing all of these fabulous things about you... For example;

Emma spends her days threatening to hurl game systems out of moving vehicles to keep the peace.
Or Emma talks to her cats as though they may one day talk back.

I can guarantee you that this is only endearing when Elmo does it.

The only time that this is pleasant, is if you are actually important enough to have someone else write your bio for you, not when you are important enough to have a bio... But not important enough to have someone write it on your behalf.

That's when Emma feels like a wanker.

Secondly, I don't ever know what to put in and what to leave out.. I mean.... my blog, where I've written, what I've written.. I'm ok with that, but my biggest twitter achievement??
Let me think....... I have slightly more followers than I follow...
Ryan Shelton retweeted me once, I was accidentally followed by one of the writers of the Family guy for about seven minutes, however... Wendy Harmer actually follows me on twitter AND!
I beat Keith Urban to the Top Tweet for #thevoiceau for six whole hours once... These are achievements right????

My career highlight thus far is being the toilet spray chick on tv in Australia and North America.

The rest of the time I'm just hanging on by the skin of my teeth.

TELL ME HOW I AM SUPPOSED TO WORD THIS WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE A DICKHEAD!!!

In Bio land The whole point of a bio is self promotion, you are supposed to list all of your fabulous and marvelous achievements, everywhere else, it's considered bragging and It makes me cringe, I feel ridiculous, and just because I took a screen shot when Wendy Harmer followed me, doesn't mean That I was going to show everyone.

Why is it that we have such difficulty sharing our achievements?!? Why is it easier for me to tell the world that the dog once chewed the crotch out of several pairs of my underwear than it is to list my career peaks or the things that by all rights I should really be very proud of?
And Does this wanker like phenomena affect men in the same way that it affects women?

I listen to the conversations of men frequently.. Because lets face it, I have precious little else to do, but in my observations men don't seem to have any trouble at all sharing their achievements, in fact, most of their conversations begin, middle and end with listing their all of their lifetime achievements.

"Hey Johnno! Check out my new bike/car/job promotion, followed by I landed the largest account/plane/hottest chick concluded with look how great I am at ball sports/my job/putting my hands down the front of my pants.. Cheers, see ya!"

I think what it boils down to, is that most Men seem very comfortable in competitive type situations.. Most of their interactions are competitive in nature, and is that what this is all about?
Is writing my bio putting me in a competitive situation?

Either way the time has come for me to take a good long hard look at myself, and my achievements and list them with pride, so I did what any good woman does in this situation and I sat at my desk and grew an imaginary set of balls and I got proud baby!

I wrote a list of every achievement I ever made, mediocre or not, I took out the less relevant information like winning the boat race against Sydney Uni after a rugby match and getting an A+++ on my year three science exam, then I put it in a couple of paragraphs.

It was really easy.. Once I grew some balls, being a wanker came relatively easy.

Happy Friday.

Em x























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