Tuesday, July 24, 2012


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Is Melting the new black?
 I'm not talking cheese, or chocolate, I am talking cellulite, fat deposits and stretchmarks.
you know.. Normal bodily things.

Everywhere I look there is someone telling me that I can magically melt undesirable things off of, or, out of, my body, despite very real evidence that this kind of treatment is ineffective.

Don't like something about yourself? No need to squirt some, come on over here and we will melt it off.

I can tell you that I have had something melt once.. the majority of the skin off the top of my left hand, after an unfortunate incident with an urn when I was about thirteen. it was disgusting, have you seen skin drip? it does.
Melting is not fun.
Melting involves separating the webbing of your fingers, scraping skin from your arse and if you are lucky, your thigh and sticking on your hand, it involves keeping your skin suspended in Jelly substances to minimise scarring and assist in your nerves repairing themselves if they can, it involves wearing a pressure bandage for eighteen months, and if those eighteen months involve a school dance, no one will want to hold your melted hand while you do the Barn dance.

I Just don't think I hate my cellulite enough to do that.
but that's OK, because if you don't hate your cellulite right now, give it time... In the five minutes I spent researching this article online, I read cellulite on many articles to be described as;

Not Ideal
horrid and wait for it...... 

stretch marks fared no better, they were read to be

unsightly (again)
repulsive and 

These were a mere few of the words used to describe these natural bodily conditions, and what surprised me most, was that these words were used mainly by women.
Listing self image and attracting men as the main reasons for getting cosmetic procedures to correct these natural phenomena.

I thought a little bit about body parts, and aesthetically, most body parts are not classically beautiful.

 Have you had a good look at the inside of your eyelid? held a hand mirror to check out your Vag? Your tongue? the inside of your nose? Your Ears? your Navel.... that creepy little punching bag down the back of your throat?
In comparison, patches of dimpled skin and stretchmarks are really not really worth melting over..I mean have you ever had a good long look at a penis?
like right up close?
Yet There is not a man alive that would line up to get it melted off.

Not satisfied, I asked the question on Twitter and Face book,

Q- What is one word you would use to describe stretchmarks and cellulite? And do you think your partner would use the same word to describe it?

The words used by women to describe their stretchmarks and cellulite were;
Knife wounds, 
War wounds, 
 Jelly Blubber,
Freddy Kruger Marks 
and one very proud Tiger Stripes!

However, according to their partners, stretchmarks were described as 
marks of respect,
Braille so that I can find her special places in the dark 
 I never notice them like she does.
The resounding opinion of men on social media was an overwhelming gratefulness that they could just see their partners naked, as especially after children, this was a rare occurrence, 
with one man describing it as having cellulite and stretch mark blindness, "I cant see them past the naked woman standing in front of me."

EEEWW  STRETCH MARK!! GET OFF!! Said no man ever.

It seems women have far more of an issue about these things than men do so why is it that we hide these imperfections (for lack of a better word) from them?
Just who are we hiding them from and more importantly, melting them away for?

Would you melt?

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