Friday, November 9, 2012

Giant Crap Sandwich- A PMS inspired rant, on Parking fines




This one kicks off a regular Friday evening Giant Crap Sandwich.
A series of PMS inspired rants I have written in the form of an angry letter.
I really should just burn them like a normal person, but who writes on paper anymore?



Firstly, This post began at HERE, after I left a confession on THIS hilarious blog post regarding parking tickets at the school. Now it is important you know that.This actually happened, and it is part of the reason I now write blog posts to appease my PMS, lest it happen again, and after a request for the confession to become a blog post, here tis.



Get Rooted.

someecards.com - Ahahahaha! Seriously though... Get Rooted whatsinemmasbrain





To Dear Parking inspectors whom were born without a sense of reason, & not forgetting the Councils whom insist on making their lack of infrastructure and adequate town planning, my financial Burdon,


I understand your need to keep everybody safe, especially around our Schools; dont get me wrong, but due to the following reasons,
* Your lack of being a reasonable fucking person,
* My hormonal imbalance,
* Horrendous rain accompanied by lightning,
* & the fact that I had a newborn baby in the car,

I had stopped and I may have had a "fanny hair" of my car boot sticking out in a bus zone, located on the main road.
On which there is NO crossing or other adequate infrastructure, just saying, for a length of time that could not have even exceeded a minute, I could have been waiting for a baby duck to cross the road for all you know, it WAS raining at the time, but you would prefer that wouldnt you?
For me to run over a baby duck you sick bastard?

Meanwhile, I had stopped just long enough to see my child run into the school gate and under the covered learning area, whilst being satisfied that my child was not struck by sheet lightning, and in the meantime, I SOMEHOW managed to clock myself a hefty parking fine.

Oh, and you should know, I will go and pace it out with an oven timer if need fucking be.

You should also know, I copped it sweet with the fine you gave me for exceeding the time limit in the kiss and go zone, In my defence it wasnt even busy due to my lack of scraping it in right on the bell.
I also only got out of the car at all because I had forgotten to pay for Happy Harold, and due to my childs distress at my disorganisation I had to run in and pay the $2 contribution with coins I had found in the car, it really shouldnt have taken any more than 10 minutes, but you see, Some of the office staff are more adept at giving accusing looks of neglect for forgetting about Happy Fucking Harold, than they are at efficient transfer of funds, but anyway, I exceeded the 10min time.

Also if any of the coins from my car go missing from now on, I will be looking at you, so dont even think about it.

I even took it on the chin when you fined me in the IGA car park for exceeding the 2hr limit, despite there being at least 50 empty spaces and the fact that ITS A COUNTRY TOWN not George Street, & in fact it makes me slightly angry that you would penalise me for spending more money in the local township, as the longer I am Parked.. The more money I spend… Do the sums, its not rocket surgery, but whatever; I exceeded the idiotic, unreasonable time limit.

I do however confess, that I later wanted to take my dog for a walk past the local council and I may have wanted to put my dog shit bag in the letterbox of said council, only I DIDNT, because THAT is what being a reasonable person is, You clearly would have no idea about that though, because on this particular occasion, you fined me a hefty $348.00.
For the ass of my boot being in a bus zone, that was unused at the time in the middle of an electrical storm.

So anyway, that is why I marched... ACTUALLY marched. like fists balled, jaw clenched, cartoon steam coming out of my nose marched, into your council building
Waving the fine in the air like a mad woman.

Furthermore, YOUR staff were not helping by looking at me shocked and appalled when I wanted to know, HOW the fuck, you can fine me for your lack of infrastructure and complete incompetence in town planning?

I was leaving anyway, in disgust, there was absolutely no need to threaten to have someone escort me from the building when I was merely following your advice to make a payment arrangement, even if my arrangement was to invite your accounts department to suck the total sum of the fine, from by ass, 5c at a time accompanied by a bending over motion and hand gesture that involved the fine.

Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is?
To be threatened with assisted eviction from a government building?!?

It will also pay you good mind to tell your receptionist that I did not appreciate the smug look on her head when I exhausted all legal options and are forced to pay the fine like a chump, with money that did not come from my ass.

This time.


Happy Friday.

Emmasbrain.


Do you have PMS?
Would like to contribute a pshycotic letter?
 just email it, contact details are HERE

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Dear Baby G

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