Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Dear Channel 9, RE: Mr Waterhouse




Dear Channel 9.


How are you? Good Thanks.

I am just writing, to let you know that I observed my two sons playing basketball in the backyard recently, my eldest son bet my youngest son that he could not make the basket from back near the chook shed, and for a small minute my gut tensed and I expected Tom Waterhouse's head to pop up from the back fence and offer him ten to one odds on that.

Its OK though, I have also recently started  a therapy class a few weeks ago on the recommendation of a friend. It is a three month intensive class that teaches you to be aware of your thought patterns.

I was given an exercise in which I had to rethink the things that I found overwhelming, and no negative self-statements about my appearance or intelligence were allowed.
I know, I rolled my eyes too, but hear me out.

I chose the email as my overwhelmer of choice, and I had to wait until they were alarmingly and overwhelmingly built up, then... When I opened my emails, I would thank the urge to be overwhelmed very kindly for showing up, and then interrupt its every attempt to come in the door by actually saying positive things to myself like...
 "you really don't care how many emails are there" 

Then I would get up and walk past the mirror in my hall and say things like, "under eye bags mean you are tired not haggard" and "you can't spell tuck shop lady arms, without Lady!!" as well as other ridiculous bullshiznit.

 I had to do it convincingly, whether I believed it or not, over and over again...which... I Must say is actually very difficult, and by some time into it, I really just felt like a massive wanker who sat there breathing deeply at the computer telling LIES to myself, when I was done at the computer, I would walk past the mirror in the hall and say "Hey beautiful" and give myself a wink.

These are not things sane people do and so I entertained the thought of giving up the class, only something magical happened.
I recognised that I was having a negative thought pattern about the class, and that would inevitably end in my giving up, never going again and feeling like a failure.

Still not sold, but Feeling a little less like the class might be bullshit by bedtime, I went to bed, I caught sight of myself in the mirror in the hall and I thought to myself, man I am tired, and it wasn't until I got into bed that I realised I just saw my dark eye bags and my first thought associated with it was that I must have been tired, not anything self-depreciative, but tired.

You following me?

Now, I Know what you are thinking....and yes, this is a long blog post, and yes it has a point, of which I am getting to. 

Now.... If I can train my very stubborn brain into changing negative thought patterns into more positive thought patterns, even when deep down I didn't believe them to be true, just by repeating them to myself, then what. The. Fuck. Is Tom Waterhouse's very disturbing head doing, smearing himself and his gambling over every square inch of your NRL coverage?


I understand the games need to find sponsorship, and I really, could not, give 5/8ths of a sweet, sweet feck ALL If Tom Waterhouse sponsors the game or not to be honest, but surely there are other ways of Tom Waterhouse sponsoring the game?!?

The dude. Only. STOPS giving gambling odds and smiling, just long enough to drag his lips back together and re-lubricate his front teeth.
Give me a break!!

And I know... OK, people in glass houses and all that, and I am aware that I said "I Cant Smell any of that" on the TV every eight seconds too, and it was during the Olympics coverage, and I admit that my voice was annoying, but hear me out.

I don't know a hell of a lot about gambling statistics I am ashamed to say, but I do know of people whom have lost everything and everyone because of it. I know gambling is addictive.

I will certainly do my damnedest to make sure my kids know these things about gambling, I will make sure, that deep down, they know this to be true, but if Tom Waterhouse is going to keep reminding them of gambling, then interrupting everything thought my children have about gambling with a message about how fantastic his odds of winning are, convincingly, over and over, even if deep down, they know it is not right, I have no choice but to remove him, his odds, you and their Much beloved NRL games from their environment.

My beef is not with Mr Waterhouse's contract to channel nine commentating, conflicting with his book making, or what logo is on the microphone he is holding, or whether or not there is a disclaimer EVERYTIME he speaks, or any of that stuff that seems to be overshadowing the actual issue, I know it is probably of some importance somehow, but try as I might to give a shaz I really just can't, I have far too many other things to do, I do care about my kids though, and I will drop ANYTHING to protect them.

Microphone or no microhone, disclaimer or no disclaimer..I think we are all getting a little jaded with the attempt to cloud every real issue with confusion until no one knows what they are angry about any more. 
It's old, its very 1990, and it is reminiscent of a tactic that I affectionately refer to as. 'You can't spell Cochran without Cock'
It doesnt mean OJ was any less guilty, it just means every one was momentarily confused about what guilty was.

You have no idea how much I pain to get my kids to play outside, how much I want my children to be supporting a footy team on a Friday night, but if it is at the expense of having to invite Tom Waterhouse into the minds of my children, it is just not worth it. 
 The words Not Worth it..That very much sounds like a negative thought pattern to me.. Lets replace them with "All will NOT be lost." " It is NOT the end my children learning sportsmanship and playing outside ALL Friday night" "I will find something else my children enjoy" "there are other codes!" "Soccer players are attractive" "I bet Ed Sheeran likes the cricket!" "Go HAWKS!"


Help ME- help you, help me, help you... See how that works?

Sincerely,
Emma.

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