Wednesday, January 8, 2014

HEY HEY!




So, this is my new pad, It’s very... Orange isn’t it? I was momentarily overcome with a thing for citrus there for a while... Never to mind.Its the not giving a frilly fez edition of my blog.

Welcome!

Some new stuff is happening around here!!

The docco, apart from keeping me disgustingly busy and very occasionally, being a pain in my butthole, has its own page, there’s nothing in it yet, but it will soon be filled with interviews!! LOOK OUT! I’m interviewing people now, like Lisa Ling.

Turns out, I’m pretty good at getting people to spill their guts. At the moment, I’m getting rappers, rhyme writers, Beat layers, Beat Boxers and MC’s from around OZ to dish the dirt. 

You know what? We have a fecking talented bunch of underground poets and musicians out there, let me tell you, and man hey have some stories! Everyone has stories you know..

I’m also learning the lingo... Word, I’m also learning a whole bunch of new swears that I NEVER KNEW EXISTED until now... it’s enough to make you want to wash yo  Grill out with soap, It might be Krunk kids,  but best to keep your spits tight, old school. Not wanting to stunt or anything... but I totally know what all that translates to now.

Meanwhile, Robbo apologised. It was a shouted apology over the fence while he and Cabbage were simultaneously mowing. It went like this;

Robbo- *Turns off mower, “Oi, Cabbage.. Cabbage.. CABBAGE!”

Cabbage-*Turns off mower, acknowledges Robbo with a dubious head tilt.

Robbo-*Shouts 
“YEAH CABBAGE, SORRY FOR BEIN RUDE TO YER MISSUS AND FOR SWEARING AND SHIT IN FRONT OF YER KIDS, AND FOR SAYIN SHIT ABOUT YER CAT, I DON’T REALLY MEMBA MUCH eh? I WAS PRETTY FUCKED UP, BUT ME ROOM MATE SAID I WAS FARKIN RUDE-AS, SO YEAH MAN, IM HEAPS SORRY, THAT SHITS FUCKED YEAH?  I SHOULDNTA DONE THAT” *Thumbs up

Cabbage-* Thumbs up, *Head nod
“YEP, Cheers, APPRECIATE THAT, THANKS”. *Continues mowing

Robbo- *Continues mowing,

Me- Crouching down behind the fence pretending to weed the grass from the fence line, so I could listen.

It was awkward all round, we appreciate his apology, the street is pleasant again and the cats are safe.

The new neighbours though, are still staunchly avoiding eye contact with me, which, you know…is fine, they probably just don’t know what to say. I totally don’t feel rejected or anything. 

Whatever.

'Emma. Not a known giver of fucks'



In other holiday news, I got bitten by a black house spider on the weekend, one of these little bastards.

IMAGE SOURCE

It somehow crawled onto me and made its way into my top, I felt something cold and scratchy underneath my arm, and I thought it was the zipper, (the top I had on had a zipper in the side seam) and so, feeling some cold scratchy discomfort I rubbed my arm across the zipper part and felt an intense stinging, not unlike a green ant bite, then another and another. I lifted my arm and saw it, all black and hairy and half squashed and menacing and IT FUCKING BIT ME!!
I immediately brushed it off with the other hand and I heard it land somewhere off in the distance, I HEARD IT LAND such was its bulk. I inspected the bite, confirmed that I had been bitten and then remembered I live in AUSTRALIA, and everything potentially kills you, so I grabbed the torch and searched for ages to find out exactly what kind of spider it was.

Eventually I found it; Half squashed and just sort of dying, in agony... a couple of its hairy legs were just sort of quivering... It was so disgusting, but it was also a confirmed identification of a black house spider. Not deadly, just painful, so I squashed it with my thong, as per Australian protocol.

By now my entire arm felt like it was on fire, My armpit was swollen and I had an awful sensation like pins and needles in the base of my skull, which I’m telling you, Is unnerving.

Other than an awful headache, much like the one I get from lack of caffeine, I had no lasting side effects that couldn’t be fixed with antihistamine and an ice pack. Much to my disgust I didn't turn into spider man. Marvel lied to me, but I am unscathed.

Take that Australian nature, I win.

Anyway... I have to go to the pub now, and before you start, I do actually HAVE to go to the pub because I am interviewing someone there, but I missed you all, & I hope you had a fabulous festivus.

Cheers to exciting stuff in 2014. x

3 comments:

Mrs Catch said...

Glad you survived!

Emmas Brain said...

Thanks! Me too <3

Pinky Poinker said...

That story about the spider has given me the willies. The first story, even though I haven't read the lead-up, was hilarious!