Friday, January 10, 2014

On a scale of one to five Martha's, How hard is it?

I am a huge fan of upcycling, I love nothing more than taking something old and abandoned, and turning it into something new and useful.

Since my introduction to Pinterest, (Follow my boards here) my upcycling fetish has reached new and disturbing heights.

This is a place to share with you, my many successes so that I can be smug. I will include directions or links to instructions so that you too can be smug and creatively superior, but I will also include my many, many fails so that you may laugh, and point at my failure.


I have taken the liberty to include chart or directory if you will.
A scale of how hard things were to make. I have included a handy rage level, so that you will know in advance how angry the task will make you, should you attempt it.
Here is a quick guide... to my...guide.
Introducing....




For example;


     1.  Easy, a child or intelligent primate could achieve success in this project.
Rage level Green, which means none, unless of course you have unresolved rage issues. In that case, I cannot entirely help that now, can I? make an appointment asshole.
Having said that, a bit of creative therapy never goes astray.


 2.  Easy, but.. This task is easy, but it may require a trip to the shops to buy supplies that you probably won’t have on hand. The rage level of this task, whilst still green, may require an alcoholic beverage in order to maintain its green status.



 3.  At some point, you will wish you had never started this project, and may require one or two short breathers or breaks. A time in which you will stop and survey the mess you have made and experience a brief moment of regret. It is worth however, persevering through this task as the end result will be satisfying.
The rage level of this task will require a two drink minimum; I recommend you consume these drinks in the brief moments of regret you will undoubtedly experience during this tasks completion.


   
    Does Who's have an apostrophy? It looks wrong.. never to mind, spell check is telling me this is correct, so!
(Never mind, It's 'Whose' Thank you River x)

4. Whose fucking stupid idea was this anyway? Is a phrase that you will mutter at some point during the completion of this task. The effort required may not always be reflected in the results of the completed task. The rage you will experience will require several alcoholic beverages, which will most likely hinder your creative genius and required hand eye coordination. This task is not for the faint hearted or inexperienced creative type.

& Finally...


5.   Fuck Everything. This means that I failed in trying to complete this task. Martha Stewart herself would outsource this task. And Fuck everything. The effort required to complete this task would be better spent in obtaining carpentry, advanced engineering and Arts type degree’s, all of which would be required to actually complete this stupid task. Best just forget about it.

11 comments:

Kel said...

Bahahahahahahaha!!! Love it! I will absolutely be looking out for anything rated level 5. That shit will be epic :-)

Emmas Brain said...

Oh Kel.. There will be many swears. So, so many swears... Xx

river said...

Spellcheck is WRONG! That should be "whose". "Who's" is short for who is, read the sentence back to yourself with "who is" and see how silly that sounds.
On the other hand, upcycling is a great idea, just keep choosing the green rage level stuff.

Emmas Brain said...

Well, thank you. Now I have to change the fecking picture. HA! Mwah xx

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

I need to use this for my Foul Mouthed Tutorials.


Probably only need Level 5.

Emmas Brain said...

Please do, I need level five for every piece of ikea furniture I have ever assembled. Xx

Teegz said...

This is the most apt craft rating system I've ever come across! I feel I need to make my husband read this so he can understand my mood while playing around with yarn, glue and other assorted crafty stuff. A simple muttered "4 Marthas, bordering on 5!" would be enough to warn him to back the fuck off and keep the kids at a safe distance!

redwoodsy said...

Love it. Martha herself would be proud. I also find www.pinterestfail.com helps calm the rage.

Emmas Brain said...

Yes Pinterest fail is hilarious! I could add a few to that too. X

Emmas Brain said...

Haha! Excellent FIVE MARTHA'S!! It's all you would have to say. X

Lisa Lintern said...

Love this. When it comes to art, craft or anything in the kitchen, my life is a constant level 5 Martha...