So, you all know I am writing a book.
I slowly planned out the chapters, I sought advice from published Authors, I attended a class on tuning your blog into a book, aptly named Blog to Book, taught by one of my favourite people, Kerri Sackville, Who writes HERE.
I learned a great many things at this class, including the fact that my book, is what’s considered ‘Thinly veiled fiction’ which sounds very passive aggressive, but I promise it isn’t.
I also promised, to have 50 000 words delivered on; single side printed, A4 paper with 30mm margins and no staples, by last December, which I did, but that is not the end of the story.. No.
Novel writing I am finding, is a game of too and fro. Add this, delete that, give more of a back story on this, change this character’s name and then, dread of all dreads, I heard the words, “Emma.. This bit needs a sex scene or two.”
I know that sounds easy enough, I mean.. I am a have-er of sex. I have three children to prove it, I know how it is done, what is involved and so on and so forth.
The problem is, that every time I sit down to write this scene, I remember that my parents, family members and friends will read this book.. or at least they’d fucking better or we will be having words, but it is also a lot of pressure.
I don’t really want to describe passionate sex positions and seat wetting foreplay in vivid detail for my parents and in-laws to read.
Most of my good friends, you know… Mah girls, they have already heard every great and hilarious sex story I have to tell, and there is no way in hell I am sharing any actual sexual encounters I have had with anyone other than them.
There will be no ‘Thinly veiling’ of any of my sexual conquests.
So I did what anyone else would do in my situation, and I took to Facebook for advice. I asked if, when reading a novel, did one like to read every nitty gritty detail of a sexual encounter? Just the important details of the encounter? Or start scene closing the bedroom door, leaving it to your own imagination, end scene, begin chapter eight.
It seems that leaving it to your own imagination is a pet hate of a lot of people. You can’t go writing yourself a whole heap of sexual tension only to close the door, turn the light off and proceed to the next chapter.
The vast majority of those polled, (to whom I am extremely grateful.. you dirty little fuckers) want to read every nipple erecting, Toe sucking, chandelier swinging, safe word uttering, No holds barred, no detail spared adjective..
Given that I polled MY Facebook friends however, this didn’t surprise me at all. What did surprise me, was that people not only wanted to hear details, they wanted to hear REAL details.
They wanted to read about the awkward parts of sex, the fanny farts, the ACTUAL farts, the accidently getting a sharp jab in the wrong hole, the leg cramps, the awkward shuffle and redirection when you get a stinging rub in the wee hole, you know.. pube in the teeth kind of details. They want REALITY sex scenes!
People are also picky about what words are used to describe a characters genitalia.
Wand of penetration, Cherry assassin, silent flute, Throbbing member, Throbbing manliness, throbbing rigidness.. In fact any word that contains throbbing, is out.
So apparently, is , mound, my sex, Damp canal of lust, panty hamster, and weeping folds. In fact it seems people just want to call a spade a spade when it comes to sex, or in this case, a Fa-china a vagina and a peen a penis.
SO, before I sit down to pop my sex scene cherry, now with added fanny fart.. Do you have anything to add? (You can email me if you want to go shy guys) And this is in the interest of prosperity, so please, be honest… After reading a sex scene I had written, would you ever look at me the same again?
I need all the help I can get. Writing sex scenes, is hard.
(That’s what she said)
Here Is some inspiration for you.
Linking up for a 30 day blog challenge, (With my many apologies going to)