Thursday, January 16, 2014

The writing of a sex scene

So, you all know I am writing a book.

I slowly planned out the chapters, I sought advice from published Authors, I attended a class on tuning your blog into a book, aptly named Blog to Book, taught by one of my favourite people, Kerri Sackville, Who writes HERE.

I learned a great many things at this class, including the fact that my book, is what’s considered ‘Thinly veiled fiction’ which sounds very passive aggressive, but I promise it isn’t.

I also promised, to have 50 000 words delivered on; single side printed, A4 paper with 30mm margins and no staples, by last December, which I did, but that is not the end of the story.. No.

Novel writing I am finding, is a game of too and fro. Add this, delete that, give more of a back story on this, change this character’s name and then, dread of all dreads, I heard the words, “Emma.. This bit needs a sex scene or two.”

I know that sounds easy enough, I mean.. I am a have-er of sex. I have three children to prove it, I know how it is done, what is involved and so on and so forth.

The problem is, that every time I sit down to write this scene, I remember that my parents, family members and friends will read this book.. or at least they’d fucking better or we will be having words, but it is also a lot of pressure.

I don’t really want to describe passionate sex positions and seat wetting foreplay in vivid detail for my parents and in-laws to read. 

Most of my good friends, you know… Mah girls, they have already heard every great and hilarious sex story I have to tell, and there is no way in hell I am sharing any actual sexual encounters I have had with anyone other than them. 
There will be no ‘Thinly veiling’ of any of my sexual conquests.

So I did what anyone else would do in my situation, and I took to Facebook for advice. I asked if, when reading a novel, did one like to read every nitty gritty detail of a sexual encounter?  Just the important details of the encounter?  Or start scene closing the bedroom door, leaving it to your own imagination, end scene, begin chapter eight.


It seems that leaving it to your own imagination is a pet hate of a lot of people. You can’t go writing yourself a whole heap of sexual tension only to close the door, turn the light off and proceed to the next chapter.

The vast majority of those polled, (to whom I am extremely grateful.. you dirty little fuckers) want to read every nipple erecting, Toe sucking, chandelier swinging, safe word uttering, No holds barred, no detail spared adjective..

 Given that I polled MY Facebook friends however, this didn’t surprise me at all. What did surprise me, was that people not only wanted to hear details, they wanted to hear REAL details. 
They wanted to read about the awkward parts of sex, the fanny farts, the ACTUAL farts, the accidently getting a sharp jab in the wrong hole, the leg cramps, the awkward shuffle and  redirection when you get a stinging rub in the wee hole, you know.. pube in the teeth kind of details. They want REALITY sex scenes!

People are also picky about what words are used to describe a characters genitalia.
Wand of penetration, Cherry assassin, silent flute, Throbbing member, Throbbing manliness, throbbing rigidness.. In fact any word that contains throbbing, is out.
So apparently, is , mound, my sex, Damp canal of lust, panty hamster,  and weeping folds. In fact it seems people just want to call a spade a spade when it comes to sex, or in this case, a Fa-china a vagina and a peen a penis.


SO, before I sit down to pop my sex scene cherry, now with added fanny fart.. Do you have anything to add? (You can email me if you want to go shy guys) And this is in the interest of prosperity, so please, be honest… After reading a sex scene I had written, would you ever look at me the same again?
 I need all the help I can get. Writing sex scenes, is hard.

(That’s what she said)

Here Is some inspiration for you.

Em xx

Linking up for a 30 day blog challenge, (With my many apologies going to)


Emmas Brain said...

Ha! Oh.. The pointy hips, I don't think that is described in any Mills & Boon. Perhaps that should be my angle Though.. First sex scene ever printed with fanny farts and pointy hip bruises. X

Emmas Brain said...

Ha! I am discovering I am slightly prudish also!! WTF?!? Who knew.. But I will include the word panty hamster now. Just for you. X

Miss Pink said...

I don't know that I have many interesting tales I could share with you. I'm a tad sex shy. But my BFF has some outrageously hilarious stories. But I do promise to read along and then give you those looks where you're not sure if I'm judging you because of that one time where you wrote a sex scene in your book.

Emmas Brain said...

Haha! I look forward to it. Xx

Pinky Poinker said...

I've got nothing and I've had 5 kids. I remember reading half of the first in the Fifty Shades books and laughing my head off so perhaps I'm too immature for sex scenes.

Emmas Brain said...

Yep.. I still got nothing. Damn this is hard.. If he know what I mean. * insert immature giggle

Lisa Lintern said...

You are writing book and blogging everyday. I bow down before you (and there's nothing sexy in that)...x

Cara McKee said...

Glad it's not just me getting stuck! I hate writing sex scenes, I also feel uncomfortable with flirting, and I constantly worry that I'm not being representative enough. I've just got to the bit where my hero and heroine are meeting, sparks are set up to fly, and it seems awfully important to work on some short stories all of a sudden.

Emmas Brain said...

But the CAN CAN LEGS!?! How can it not be? X

Emmas Brain said...

Yep. I get stuck and write ANYTHING else! You just can't leave your hero and heroine in a frenzy of sexual tension though.. WON'T SOMEBODY think of the sexual tension!! Best of luck. X

Simira said...

Visit Literotica (

It'll help!