Friday, January 31, 2014

What if I am too immature to write a sex scene?



It’s Friday so I am going to carry on about writing this sex scene again.

I am not a fan OK? I must admit. I write something, then I re read it and cringe. I am usually not a prude, OK... I mean, I am the queen of over sharing. Ask my friends, I start many conversations among my group of friends with “Don’t judge me, but...” and my gals roll their eyes and say, “This is going to be good...” But if I can’t read what I have written without wanting to screw my face up and ball my fists and have a mini melt down of embarrassment, then how the fuck am I going to publish it for the ten people that might buy my book to read!?!

For the love of Adam Levine!! It’s shouldn’t be this HARD... (Immature Giggle) & that my friends, is the problem right there ß

What if I am too immature to write a sex scene? I can’t even look at certain ordinary words without having an internal snigger. I am THIRTY-FECKING-TWO and the following words still amuse me to no end.

Bushes,
Hard,
Masticate,
Rigid,
Swallows,
Meat,
Pointy… The list goes on.

I have an internal monologue of “That’s what she said” going on in my head just ordering devon at the deli for crying out loud.

Ok, don’t judge me, but... Sometimes when Cabbage is watching the cricket, to amuse myself, because I don’t actually understand cricket, I listen to the cricket commentary and laugh at my own made up sexual innuendo.

“Clarky had a fabulous run at it; his balls ran straight up the left stump”
*Snigger

GROW UP EMMA!!!!

I have consulted with my bestie about this several times. She has read my attempts at a sex scene, and I watch her face when she reads it, and then she yells at me to stop staring at her while she is trying to read it. My bestie says that it is funny, which is good, because my book it SUPPOSED to be funny, but is funny what you want to go for in a sex scene?

Last time I checked, laughing at someone’s sexual attempts is very damaging to the ego, and even though it is not an actual sexual encounter, and they are merely a jumble of words that describe an imaginary sexual encounter, I still am a little uncomfortable at people laughing at it.

I think that is where I am stuck. An imaginary sexual encounter is something that is usually fairly private. Possibly more private that a real sexual encounter. Some people don’t even share their imaginary sex with their sexual partner, and not just because your partner doesn’t particularly want to hear about your pretend romp in eight inches of Jon Snow, but because by nature, imaginary sex in some way, much more intimate that actual sex.

I have given myself a dead line though. Intimate or not, imaginary or not, ego damagingly funny or not this thing must be written.
I really need to stop writing whiny blog posts about writing it and just do it.
*snigger.

Do you think I am over thinking it? Is imaginary sex more intimate that actual sex? Help a gal out..

Have a fantastic weekend.


Em xx


10 comments:

26 Years & Counting said...

It's been years since I tried writing a sex scene. But I giggle at all those words too - plus if the book is supposed to be funny, why can't the sex be funny?

bodyandfeetretreat said...

I think you are over thinking it - just do it (and by the I mean write the scene) - maybe don't try to imagine what you think people will say / think about it. Write it. Leave it. Come back to it and read it. Make changes if you need to after that.
Good luck !
Me

Emmas Brain said...

You know, I think you are 100% right. I am going to try this, you are a gem xx

Emmas Brain said...

Yes!! Why can't sex be funny!? 69 ;) xx

river said...

I've never written a sex scene, (or a book for that matter), but I've read sex scenes that are funny, so just go with what you've written, unless it reads like something a twelve year old might write.
Imaginary is always more intimate than real, because your mind can go to so many places.

Cara McKee said...

Have you tried rewriting a sex scene you like (like maybe Jon Snow and Ygraine in the cave) and then amending it into your own? Worked for me. On a sniggering note we were learning a new song at choir last night and I kept getting stuck on a bit. Ended up with this conversation:
Choir master - are you having trouble getting the 'come'?
Me - yes. Am I a bit flat?
Choir master - OK, start the line again and hold the come
Me - snigger

Emmas Brain said...

Haha! Yessss. I love et. *snigger. I think I may also try this rewriting a scene thing-o, it just may work! Heh. Thing-o *snigger

Emmas Brain said...

I hope it is amusing funny, not ridiculous funny, but I guess I will soon find out! X

Not for you said...

Shagging, when done correctly, is rarely serious endeavour with longing gazes, thoughtful lighting and modest gasps. Some of my best have involved deliberately making silly noises, desperately trying not to fart for at least a bit of it and saying "whoops, sorry" more than once.
Write short, clean and honest (read silly) prose and you'll have your farewell to arms in no time.

Emmas Brain said...

I actually laughed out loud at 'trying not to fart' HA!