Monday, February 10, 2014

The key to love scene success.

After obsessing over this stupid five to ten pages of the book for weeks now, I had a dream that I had finally written the entire book. I had finally finished it to a saleable standard and I was delivered a box of them, all printed and stiff (Heh) and smelling like paper.

I opened the box and took out a copy, and proceeded to open it to the sex scene. Plucking a UHU stick from thin air, (Because it was a dream remember) I began to glue the pages of the sex scene together. When satisfied no one could pry them open, I proceeded to do the same to every book in the box, and you couldn’t even notice, because it was only five to ten pages.
Then I woke up.

I thought about that dream all morning and my subconscious was right, because deep down, I am a fucking genius.

 It’s only a few pages of the WHOLE thing. Five, maybe ten pages max, of the four hundred and something pages of the whole book.

I revisited the sexual tension of the two characters and decided that the guy was pretty cool, but would I do him in a fit of throw you down on the bed, crank some sexual healing and rip of his jeans with rabid teeth, kind of way?  The truth was that I probably wouldn’t. Aint no one got time, energy, nor the necessary dental cover fo dat.

So I skipped back to the beginning, I developed this guy’s character, I added more personality and quirky characteristics, I made him charming, added a little bit of Jonah Hill funny, bit of  mysterious, I gave him Russel Brands eyes, a bit of Levine confidence, then made him a little bit Jon Snow shy so as his confidence didn’t seem too arrogant.
I put in some James Franco intelligence. I added a little bit of Tatum dropping it like it’s hot to pony, sweat dripping kind of sex appeal.
DEAR. GOD… wait while I process that mental image. *Fans face

I gave him the devout loyalty of Eric Northman and the talent of what’s his face… the one who used to be with Jennifer Aniston..Guitar guy....*Clicks fingers* It will come to me..Katy Perry.. Gah! 
John Fucking Mayer.

I asked myself. Would I do disgusting things to this guy? And I answered,

 Ahhhmmm… Does a wooden horse have a hickory dick?  Do frogs have a water tight asshole?

For crying out Pete’s sake!! Lock it in Eddy! 

And the rest of it wrote itself, because for all of the frustrating over thinking I did about making the scene too realistic, for sharing any of my personal thought regarding my vulv related special areas, all I needed to do was create a character that is so rootable, so perfect and also DOESN’T EXIST ANYWHERE!! & then who the hell cares how realistic the scene is right?!?

It doesn’t matter how great the sex in the book is if the people that are reading it are thinking, “Oh that dude, I’d take him or leave him..”


I want everybody who reads this book, including the men to say “Damn! Yeah… I’d throw a leg over that guy.

I realised that in order to want to plow my character in adjective form, I had to fall a little bit in love with him, and so I did.

I fell so in love with him in fact, that I feel a little bit bad for all the terrible things I have to put him through in this book.. The poor guy, I hurt over the fights the characters are having, his traumatic childhood, his absent father, and when I am writing of the jealousy his girlfriend is feeling, there is a teeny tiny, mentally unstable part of me, that’s a lil' bit jealous.

Yep.. lil' bit.

It helped me re write other parts of the book, It helped me convey better emotion and thought in the characters. Truth be told, writing the sex scene really did make the WHOLE book so much better.

I can totally GUARANTEE you are never going to look at me the same way again, at least not in the eye, and I don't even care... If you read it, and wouldn't do exactly the same dirty, dirty, stuff to this guy, then there's something wrong with you my friend, and I can help you no more.

That being said, 

Happy Monday.


Cara McKee said...

Yay! Go you. I've been thinking about my sex scene too and spent an hour at my latest writers group writing down every move that one of the men made, and slightly obsessing over his fingers. Ahem. It's been really helpful. Although, like you I'm going to have to change other stuff. Thanks for sharing about this.

Emmas Brain said...

Oh the FINGERS.. Got to get their movements down pat, hands are PARAMOUNT in a love scene!! PARAMOUNT!! ;)

river said...

Ten whole pages for a sex scene? So, not a wham bam thank you ma'am...what is the title of this book? I'll have to look out for it in the shops.

Emmas Brain said...

It actually turned out to be ELEVEN, but most of it is just the build up. I'm sure it will get cut down a bit in the works. I don't have a name yet! I did, but now I don't like it..The book has changed a lot since I first wrote it and chose the title. I will definitely let you know when you can buy it though! fingers crossed!! xx

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

bitch please. I will stand up at the next conference*, look you dead in the eye and read that motherfucker to you.

Cause it gotta be better than that fifty shades shit.

*the one after the one on the titanic.