Man.. I have to tell you something.
Something that happened yesterday, something... Unspeakable.
It all began when I misread something, on Facebook. It didn't contain a link, and It wasn't a story. It was merely a headline to an upcoming news story shared by a popular news program.
Turns out that it was a relatively sad news story, but that was not how I read it the first time.
I have no excuse, I just completely misread it.. I am a capable reader, I read a lot and I read quickly, and up until this incident, this has caused me no significant harm.
Now, I know what you are thinking, misreading something happens to everyone, and you would be right, I do misread things, I would go so far as to say that I misread things on a semi regular basis, I won't pretend I haven't done the quick double take when passing the Iced VoVo section of the biscuit isle, but I always pick up on it fairly quickly.
Or should I say... I almost always pick up on it fairly quickly.
*Sips coffee to steady myself before continuing.
So anyway, the way that I had read this news headline, made me a little angry. I may have uttered the words 'what the fuck' I may have squinted my face into an unattractive look of disgust, I most likely made some 'pffffffffft-Ing' like sounds, and there was probably some eye rolling happening in my socket area... I can't be sure because it’s all a blur now.
My rage got the better of me, as we all know that it happens to do with me occasionally. My middle finger became erect, and so, I took that middle finger, I glided it over the tablet screen and I snapped it down hard on the share button.
Now, I didn't just hit 'Share now (friends)'.
No. (Dear mother of Adam Levine, WHY DIDN'T I just hit share now!! ) (*Breathe Emma, you didn't, and you can't change that now..)
*Massages temples with the dirty sharing fingers.
I wrote a post alright, I wrote a smart arse comment that made me look like an arsehole, and not just any arsehole OK!? The kind of arsehole that makes fun of people who may be underprivileged... ALL because I misread it.
*takes a dramatic steadying breath..
I shared it.
I FUCKING SHARED IT!! I MISREAD IT, AND I MADE FUN OF IT, AND I SHARED IT.
It was up for a total of roughly four minutes, in cache time, that is pretty much eternal. I know this, I have attended conferences. THE INTERNET IS FOREVER PEOPLE!!! WHEN WILL WE LEARN!?
My notifications informed me that someone had liked it, so I clicked on it to see who.. And I read it again. DEAR. BALLSACK, I READ IT AGAIN! Only this time, I didn't misread it.. This time, I saw my error, my eyes grew wide, a slow panic rose in my oesophagus, and my middle finger snapped faster than it had ever snapped, straight to the delete button.
"Delete! Delete!!" I cried, in the hopes that my panic stricken voice would somehow make it delete faster, fingers repeatedly and frantically taping the tablet face.
*Deep breath. There's more....
I didn't even apologise. THE SHAME!
I didn't own it, I didn't bashfully raise my virtual hand awkwardly and say, ''Hey!! Geez, I totally misread that! my bad! wow, isn't this embarrassing.. Don't I feel like, a jerk..'
I hit delete, and I slunk away to obsess about it for the next.. Hmmm let me see, fifty seven years.
I committed a mortal social media sin. I mean, I had heard of this happening, but I never thought this would ever happen to me, those kinds of things happen to other people, we all know them.. Let’s not pretend.
We all have them on our news feed. The people we love enough to put up with the occasional social media slip. The ill informed fellow school mum, the dirty pervert, but we've been mates since primary school friend, the Tony Abbott supporter, the bogan friend with a heart of gold...
I've seen it ok? We've. ALL. Seen it.
We pretend we don't, we silently say a prayer to the google gods that it won't prevent any future employment for that person and we move on. That's just how it is.
*slaps hand hard on the desk to emphasise importance and to startle everyone into paying attention.
The day yesterday, that person was ME!!
Don't think it can't and won't happen to you. Vigilance people.. Vigilance, I can't stress this enough.
This not over thinking thing by the way, is not going fantastically, thanks for asking.
Let's never speak of it again.