Friday, March 14, 2014

Emmasbrain top five replies, to bad internet manners.

My sister and I are only eighteen months apart. She is my partner in childhood and understands why I am a jerk. 
We have exactly the same sense of humour and when we don’t speak on the phone, we communicate exclusively through picture message.

Pictures speak a thousand words, for example; I sent my sister this the other day...

With this picture, my sister knew that I was annoyed at the lack of lawn mowing going on around here. This picture said;

My lawn is knee high, I can’t walk to the car without my lower limbs getting covered in paspalum.  I could stick a cotton strip on them and have a wax such is the stickiness on my lower legs. If the google maps drive past and I am stuck with a picture of my house, with the lawn knee high for the next three years, I am kicking everybody in the dick. Also Jon Snow is hot, hurry up April seven.

Only I didn’t need to write that, because my sister, she knew, with that one picture.

I got to thinking about this a little more, when I recently had a day of being particularly annoyed at the internet for various reasons. I mean, if we could take a quick snap of the look on our face when we sent our various text based internet communications, it may aid in clearing up a lot of confusion.

With the absence of a sarcasm font, and the difficulty conveying emotion and intent through text, I am beginning to think that picture messages are the way to go. So I dusted off the old Word files, and revamped a few of my standard response templates. 

Without further ado... I present;

An Emmasbrain Top Five Picture Message Replies, To Bad Web Manners. 

scenario number one.

When someone hounds me to reply to an email urgently, and so, I go out of my way to reply urgently, even though I have a thousand other things I need to do and they in turn don’t reply... 

They now get this.

Scenario two.

When someone tells me that they can’t wait to meet me, despite the fact that we have met on several occasions, then they get this;

Scenario Three.

When addresses an email to “Hi there Emmasbrainblogs”
They get this;

Scenario four

When someone goes to the effort to write five paragraphs about how much they enjoy my blog and love reading it,  then follow it through with a pitch for baby goods, or post suggestions for cat haters or anything else that clearly shows that they have never actually clapped eyes on my blog, they get this;

Scenario five.

When someone sends me a rude or ill-mannered email under the guise of being constructively critical, they get this;

Happy Friday. xx


Trish said...

Love this - I will steal these too. I am usually highly fluent in sarcasm but these pictures nail it. I need a 'vaguebooking' one and passive aggressive please for FB hat'asses.

meandmyreadymadefamily said...

Lmfao my sis and I have sarcastic picture messaging down (plus a LOT of baby pics and vids of my nephew chucked in there for aww factor)
My fave is the Alrighty Then! I get super dejected when people do that to me lol

Miss Pink said...

I love it! I get so many emails from people wanting me to advertise baby goods. Yeah, cause I really write about babies let alone have any! Also I get quite a number about baby/little girls clothing. Yep. Cause apparently my bio wasn't transparent enough.

Pinky Poinker said...

Haha! The last one was my fave!