Thursday, June 5, 2014

Head Lice, Let the scratching begin.

How are you?

Good thanks, well, except for the kids having nits yesterday.

The morning was a stock standard weekday, with me popping toast and yelling at various children to find library books and such. We got to the hair brushing portion of the festivities and I was mid plait when I saw it.

Awful it was, transparent flea like thing with black innards walking a strand of hair like behind my child’s ear. Now, I didn’t realise straight away that it was a louse, so I leant in further and squinted my eyes and tried to pick it out between my thumb and pointer finger, you know, all ‘What the fuck is that’ like.

As soon as I began to drag it down the length of hair to see what it was it dawned on me that it could be a nit, and I recoiled and promptly let it go.

It dropped on the fucking carpet. In a panic, I yanked out the hair tie and began raking through my daughters hair like I was rummaging through a newly stocked clearance yarn bin at Spotlight when I saw another, and then… another, and there was one in the fucking carpet, it was probably deep in the fibres giving birth to a thousand young by now.

I yelled at the middle child to forget the library bag and fetch me the steam mop, I must steam the carpet thoroughly, and immediately.

My head began to itch. The children, were forthwith disturbed by my request for the steam mop, because let’s be honest, I really don’t mop that often let alone steam anything, I am more of a grab an old towel, dampen it, add a couple of drops of eucalyptus so that everything smells fresher than it actually is, and walk it around  the high traffic areas on my feet  kind of person, but anyway, the child whose hair I was raking through turned around alarmed at my need to mop and asked “What’s wrong”?
In the same way they ask “Whose coming over?” when I begin to clean anything thoroughly.
“Oh nothing” I replied,” It’s just I think you may have nits”

The child’s bottom lip immediately dropped and in a shaken voice asked “What? Do they hurt?” before leaning in to cry into my shoulder.

I tried SO hard to be comforting, but  I really just couldn’t get past the fact that her little head with her millions of strands of hair were now dangling really close to my own, so I offered her a quick squeeze and pried her a safe distance from myself and patted her gingerly on the shoulder.

“There, there, they don’t hurt, we just have to wash your hair that’s all, nothing to fear, excellent” *Pat pat “Now get off me dear” Before I tied my own hair tight and high on my head, giving it a liberal spray with extreme hold hair lacquer.

The middle child came ambling into the lounge room with the steam mop and one shoe on, I told him to come here so I could check his hair, to which he immediately refused.
‘Does she have nits?’ He asked, with a look of disgust on his face before delving into a thousand reasons as to why he wouldn’t have them.

Not wanting to upset the confirmed louse ridden child any further as she seemed to look like she may need another hug of reassurance, I announced that the infected child go and take off her school uniform, to which the middle child’s ears pricked up immediately as he connected having nits to missing a day of school and sat himself down in front of me to begin the inspection.

My worst fears were confirmed when I found more.

The Teen, next in line and also keen for a day off school removed his hat and took his seat. Now, the teen does wash his hair regularly, in fact I had it on good authority that he washed it the evening before, because both of the lids of my expensive shampoo were left open in the shower stall and now a third filled with water, but my god!

Teens hair is just nasty, I am sure it has something to do with the fact that he wears one of those fucked up little flat peaked hats everywhere he wanders and sweats a lot, but the grease was just… I can’t even. His hair where the hat sat resembled grass that had been covered in a bit of carpet for a period of time. You lift up the carpet and the grass underneath is damp and colourless, screaming for sunlight and oxygen. I know this, because the cat pissed on the back door mat a few weeks ago, I left it out on the lawn to hose it and forgot about it for three days.

Anyway, that isn’t important, what is important, was that the teen was lice free. I don’t particularly blame the lice to be honest; I wouldn’t buy up real estate in there either.

Meanwhile, two applications of lice killing solution, one natural one chemical cocktail, four, count them… FOUR thorough, strand by strand combings later, hot washed linen and a thorough stream mopping of all surfaces and soft furnishings later. We are nit free.

Seriously, if they come home with it again, I am kicking everyone in the dick. What a PAIN IN THE ASS nits are?!?

I asked Cabbage to comb through my hair twice when he got home, and he confirmed, no lice, although I STILL can’t stop scratching and to be safe I am off to do a home peroxiding and a thorough burning of my hair shaft with the straightener.

Barney Martin once told me that if I see steam when I am straightening, then I am doing damage, but I will not stop scratching till I have scorched every strand. My apologies Barney.

Happy scratching, I mean Thursday.

Emma xx


Little White Dove said...

oh no! *scratch scratch* I hope you got them all, there's nothing worse than that creepy imaginary crawling on your head. (Did the Teen get the grumps at missing out on a free day off school?)

Emmas Brain said...

He was most put out at not getting the day off school, but I think he was glad to escape the cesspool of lice at the same time. Xx

river said...

Tsk Tsk, if you scorch every strand it will break and fall off, you might as well shave your head.
Has the teen thought about washing the grease ridden cap so his freshly washed hair stays nice for at least a day?
I mean, he IS using YOUR expensive shampoo.....
I know nothing about nits (eggs) or lice (adult crawlies), I've never had them, my kids never had them, but two of my grandkids did, in primary school, for two nit seasons. (late autumn). After that my daughter sprayed their hair each morning with a mixture of water and tea tree oil and combed it through. No more nits. EVER. The grandies are 18 and 20 now.

michelle weaver said...

Hmmm. I think our family of five kids harboured head lice for roughly fifteen years on one head or another. I was afraid to go to the hairdresser for years. We took head lice to England with us. Emigrant head lice. Now my kids are grown up I just catch them from my students.

Emmas Brain said...

Ha! Oh I love this. X

Emmas Brain said...

I try to wash his hat R, I really do! Apparently though, it ruins them, and I am not allowed. You are lucky to have avoided nits, LUCKY I tell you xx

Birdy Num Num said...

My 15 yr old daughter has had them off and on for the past 10 years, therefore so have I. My 11 yr old son has a couple of times but we can shave his head and us girls have long thick hair. Some facts I have learnt over the years are
1. the love clean hair;
2. the only way to get rid of the eggs completely is to pick them all out with a nit comb or your fingernails (best done in the sun with the patient sitting still for a very long time - can be virtually impossible);
3. after all the potions and lotions I have tried the most effective is pouring tons of cheap conditioner on and combing through then spray hair each morning with eucalyptus every morning and tying up very securely (thing swing from head to head on hair strands);
4. after our first infestation and a thorough scalding wash of all bedding, clothing and hats it was discovered they cannot survive more than about an hour off the scalp of the victim;
5. they have become immune to most commercial treatments (which explains that they are more prevalent these days than when some of us were kids - I don't remember ever getting nits as a child and we only washed our hair once a week);
6. its totally embarrassing to discover nits on your child halfway through your son's haircut at Just Cuts (they kicked him out with half a head of hair cut!) and that is why a friend has cut all our hair for the last decade in her home salon.
Hope this helps, but the little critters are getting more mutant so. And now I'm involuntarily scratching!