Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Three Blind Mice.

It seems everywhere you turn, there is someone willing to give you parenting advice.  I too want to cram some of that advice down your neck, which is a bit rich really… Considering that yesterday, I opened my kids’ schoolbag to find a school issued recorder had been sent home for the year and consequently, I let her have a candy cane whenever she asked because guess what? You can’t play three blind mice with a candy cane in your mouth.

I know that children making music is beautiful, I love music, I know how important music can be, I know I should be nurturing her musical expression and I know that candy canes are a sometimes food, and they are really bad for her teeth and yet…

Three blind mice.

So I don’t do what’s best for her right at that point in time, because I can’t. As selfish as that sounds, I simply couldn’t.
(For the love of CHANNING TATUM!! THREE BLIND FUCKING MICE over, and over and over…)

You should also know that not doing what is best for my kid, goes against every natural fibre of my being. I’ll probably think about that parenting decision when I am just about to go to sleep, and I will probably feel guilty. Probably, my stomach will clench at the next dental check-up, or I will see a magazine article telling me all of the terrible ingredients that there are in candy canes, and I probably won’t’ even be able to read it.

Knowing this, I will still give her a candy cane to save my young, hip and self-absorbed ears, because I have more patience when I am not listening to three blind mice on repeat, and  I have only just >.< enough patience left, not to lose my shit when the middle kid is back chatting me and rolling his eyes AGAIN about un-stacking the dishwasher. 

Even when I conserve my patience, by sacrificing a perfect parenting decision, I still end up adding another thing to the 'feel guilty about just before I fall asleep' list, by sending the kid that back chats and rolls his eyes to his room instead of getting down on his level, and putting forth a reasonable constructive discussion about why I deserve more respect than what he is showing me is easier right at that very moment.

At that very moment, I badly needed easier.

Do you know what else is easier? Telling your kid they can have another candy cane instead of peeling her an apple she won't eat anyway.

My point is, that although I might not always do things perfectly, but I am doing the best I can, every day. 

From the moment I clapped eyes on each and every one of my children, I promised that I would only do the very best for them.

I didn’t though.

What I  should have promised, is to do the very best I can, with a disclaimer that my very best is dependent on many things.

This parenting gig is hard. That is the only advice I want to tell each and every person I know sporting a baby bump for the very first time.

You won’t always do the best thing by your child, but man you will REALLY, REALLY want to, and that is the hard bit. Your kid is not hard.  It’s your love for them and your human condition not to be perfect that is the hard bit.
Instead of telling you that, the world will instead tell parents that they are doing it wrong.

Forget them. You should know that you can never do it perfectly. It’s impossible. All you can do is the very best you can with the resources available to you at the time, and that’s OK.

Your very best may be different to my very best, your opinion may differ from mine when it comes to toys, and routines and discipline, but I know that whatever you are doing, that you REALLY, REALLY want to do the best thing by your people in the same way I do with mine.
I also know your best depends on very many things.

I don't know why we insist on making it harder?  Why we insist on making judgment calls on the way other people parent?

I am by no means saying that we should turn a blind eye to genuine abuse and neglect, ever. But why do people have to call someone out on not brushing their hair for the school run, or wearing a low-cut top while pushing a pram, or break the stinkin internet with nasty rubbish when someone decides that the best thing for the comfort of their baby is to dress it in only a nappy?

Every time you do that, you are making it harder for yourself, and, in the interest on telling it like it is...judging the parenting of others is bitchy, mean, it’s unnecessary and it’s cruel.

I have made a flowchart for easy reference the next time your very best differs from someone else’s very best for quick and easy reference.

Meanwhile, could someone please tell Mark Latham to stop calling bloggers 'mummy?' That shit is sacred, and I’m not your mum dude, stop. It’s creepy, it makes my young, hip and self-absorbed skin crawl.. Also, disagreeing with someones opinion on best way to do things for the people that they REALLY want to do the best thing by, and flapping on about feminist issues while using the term 'mummy blogger' is laughable.
I cant.. I can't even. HA! *Shakes head sadly..
Here, have a candy cane, it will keep your mouth from making annoying sounds.

Hope you are having a fantastic week!

Em x

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