Friday, July 10, 2015

School Holiday Catch up

Hey hey!
So I have been crazy busy.
 Did you hear Kimye threw a basketball party? … BEIBER was there…  UGH *Rolls eyes. Fuckers.. stole our idea.

Ours was way better anyway. I went all Martha on everyone’s ass. We had basketball themed EVERYTHING, including curried egg rolls that we called Steph Curried Egg, and cheese and bacon balls that we called Bogut’s Balls... There was so much orange and so much round.

I should add here that it wasn’t a dress up... I am just sad. At any rate, it was still WAY better than KimYe-s

Meanwhile, I attended a class at the Australian Writers Centre that showed me how to shove my book in the retina’s of people who can sell it for me. I had help with my pitch, what was expected of me, and what I needed to know about getting paid and contracts... *Heavy breathing. I learned the ins- and outs of how the publishing industry works… and MAN. There was so much I didn’t know. Now I do... I am so FUCKING learned.

I have also been chatting with THESE guys 

& I've scored them agreeing to play a local gig... You can click on their pic and learn more about them if you are that way inclined. I CAN NOT WAIT to show you what they can do. They are currently in the US. I made them promise me that if they ran into Ed Sheeran over there, that they would sniff his hair for me.

They promised they would.

Speaking of Ed, OUR Ed, the cat… 
Look at him.. 
 "Hey girl.. Whatcha thinkin' about?"

He is at that delightful age where he climbs all over the curtains and breaks shit all over the place. He can be always be found, in our house, destroying stuff, climbing my leg as though it were a tree, or sleeping. 

The other night, our youngest kid crawled into out bed at three AM, because honest to FUCK I think she will ALWAYS do it, and she may still be doing it when she is twenty one… Ugh. I hope not, but time will tell... at any rate, she climbed in the bed at 3 AM and she trod square on the cats head. 

Don't laugh it wasn't funny..

There was much squealing from both parties, and little Eddy crawled out from underneath the duve and was shaking his head and sneezing and FOR FUCK SAKE the PANIC.. *Heavy breathing…

Anyways, turns out he is OK. You can laugh now.


I cleaned out my fridge; remember I do that in the school holidays? There are so many bacteria in there, including a tub of what was probably egg at some stage. It smelled so bad. Does that happen in your house? Or is it just mine? Stuff festers in the fridge and every time you open it smells like Bigfoots cock sharted then died in there? The dog comes running into the kitchen, all nostrils flared, sniffing at the air, and the kids wail “WHO FARTED?!” and accusingly point at each other every time someone opens the fridge?

No? Just me?

It is the school holidays, so my kids took a break from accusing each other of breaking wind, dobbing and telling me that they are hungry every eight seconds to go down to their Nan’s down the coast.
How’s the serenity?

I tell you what; I needed them to go for a bit too... The youngest kid is learning the art of emotional manipulation. She accuses me of bad parenting ALL the time and she says it like that… All “You are a bad parent”. She went as far as to tell me that I may need to take a parenting class.

I have sadly passed on my wise ass gene and it isn’t pleasant.

Oh! I saw Magic Mike XXL. Christ... What the fuck? It was bad... MAN it was bad... But CHANNING!!! AND BOMER... I can’t even… *Fans face and faints. As bad as it was there were lady boner bits that made it worth watching, and I say this as a dirty, filthy pervert. No amount of bad acting will make me clean enough not to go see it. 

Honestly though… If I wanted to watch man bitching about insignificant shit I have no interest in whatsoever I could have done that from the comfort of my own lounge room, and I wouldn’t have dropped fifty bucks on it and ended up with popcorn in my teeth… But whatever.

On that happy note, I am off.

I hope the school holidays are being Kind to you. Xx

1 comment:

Fiona said...

Hello Emma
I don't normally comment on blogs, just read them, and I really enjoy reading yours when you post.
You are not alone about the fridge, sadly. I have friends who live interstate and whenever they come over to holiday and stay at my house, the first thing she does when she walks thru my door is go straight to the fridge and commence cleaning out all the festering pots etc. Used to be a little offended but now I just sit back and watch her.